~Grayson pov~
Huh?...........
Leaving?..........
why?........
My mind is spinning, my vision is blurring. I can't seem to snap out of this, I can't hear, can't understand anything that's going on. After James broke the news we were all in shock, no one was talking. We were all confused and sad and angry.
I just realized my feelings, James. What do you mean you're leaving. You can't. I'm sorry I used to make fun of you or never took your feelings seriously. Please let me at least tell you my feelings. Is what I wanted to say out loud but none of that came out and instead what came out was:
"So first you're going to introduce your new boyfriend at the worst possible time and now you're here telling us you're leaving? You couldn't text us that? You had to make us travel all the way here?" I ranted, why? I don't know. I was angry. I am angry, but that's not any reason or excuse for me to say any of what I said.
James hasn't said anything, Emma and Ethan were bewildered by what I said. They were both, confused and mad that I had said even more bitchier things.
James stood up after a couple minutes of silence, he walked up to me. I tilted my head up to face him while I was sitting, I wasn't sure if I should get up. I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
In a matter of seconds, James swung his right hand across my face, I was just....
...Slapped?
"Emma, Ethan. Sorry, but can you leave for now. You guys can come back later and I'll explain everything to you two then." James said still looking down.
"What? But I don't-," Emma started, but James spoke up.
"PLEASE." James screamed.
Emma and Ethan looked at each other and understood, they got up and left.
James inhaled, showing his frustration and anger at me.
"James, Listen. I didn't mean it. -I" trying to find the words to say but he beat me to it.
"I get it. You didn't mean it. You apologize. What the hell Grayson. I love you, openly. You push me away. You don't take me seriously. You treat me like a fool. I'm not. I'm not a fool. I love you. I always have. You, Grayson, you. But you don't, you have never taken me seriously. Do you know how painful that is?" He cried, getting angrier and angrier. I wanted to explain to him that I know my feelings now.
"James, that's why I came I wanted to tell you" I began, he didn't let me finish. I can't blame him. I've been the worse person ever.
"- you wanted to tell me what? You explained it to me just now didn't you? When Emma n Ethan were here. You couldn't be bothered by the fact I was leaving. At least care. I just wanted you to care. But you have never. It hurts, gray. It really does. I tried to move on, with this other guy, a bad mistake but you- oh you somehow found a way to treat that as a way to humiliate me."- He screamed, loud. Then he continued but lowered his voice.
"-I love you, gray. But it's enough." James said calmly, he really had enough.
James is tired. James is never tired. But he is now, of me.
James is tired of me.
I can't say anything. It hurts, it stings that This is what he thinks. But I can't say anything because it's understandable. I hate this. I want to cry.
I lowered my head, I faced my feet.
"I ..." I felt ashamed that I'm going to have the audacity to say this. But it's what I feel, and I have to tell him.
"James, I like you." I told him. Loud enough for him to hear yet calm enough for him to know I was being sincere. My head was still down, a couple of minutes of silence went by so I decided to lift my head up.
As I lift my head up I see James tearing up, looking so shocked.
I was going to go hug him, I tried standing up but he stopped me.
"Stop." He commanded making me sit back down. "No." He added.
He wiped away his tears and inhaled.
"No Grayson. It's too late. I've decided. I'm leaving. Nothing you say can fool me, I'm leaving in a week, I'll get my shit together and move." He declared. What? no, I wasn't trying to fool you or screw you over. I was just telling you about my feelings.
"No James I'm not fooling you, I was just telling you how I feel. Then if you decide to change your mind about moving then that's great! we can talk about how we both feel, and it'll change, our relationship will change!" I told him enthusiastically, I meant well with what I said but he didn't take it as a good thing. He got mad.
"So you admit you only said what you said to get me to stay. I don't know why you're so determined to get me to stay but you can't bait me with SUPERFICIAL feelings! I can't believe you, Here I am telling you how I feel with genuine feelings for you and you answer with shallow ones? do you not have any respect? I would not stoop so low to have you bait me into staying just because you like me." James screamed. I'm confused, my feelings were genuine. I love James, why is he acting as if I was lying? I don't get it.
"James, what the hell? I am telling the truth, I do love yo-" I was going to repeat it but he stopped me before I get to,
"STOP! I said stop! Don't give me any more hope to cling to, I can't- I c-can't anymore, Grayson. Enough. I'm leaving to focus on myself. It's a break." James said with a tired out smile, I can tell he's stopping his tears from falling.
I'm still lost, moving? To where? Where will you go? How about communication? Will I still get to hear you talk or laugh? Will I ever see you? I have so many questions, but seeing James like this, all the more makes me acknowledge my feelings for him.
"James I- " I tried to explain, I was stopped by his lips smashing on mine.
I was surprised but I kissed back, I held the back of his head and wrapped my other arm around his waist. James' hands were firmly planted on my face, cupping my cheeks. My eyes were shut closed until I felt something drip on my cheeks.
I open my eyes and realize James was crying, we both pulled away but I put my hands on James' face and cupped his cheeks. I tried wiping his tears away.
"James.." I furrowed my eyebrows, I don't like seeing him cry. I guided him to sit on the sofa, and I sat beside him, facing his way.
I placed my hands on his face again, James sniffled and inhaled. He took my hands off and placed them on top of my legs, while he was still holding them.
" I don't know if I'll come back but if I do we will still be friends. But stop for now Gray. It's enough, please." James begged as he squeezed my hands. I didn't know what to say. I just kept silent and replied with an:
"okay."
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The week passed and James left without a goodbye, to me or to Emma or Ethan.
I tried calling him but the number seemed to be disconnected. I tried visiting his house, it did nothing but destroy all the hope I had of seeing him again. The one hope I had was that they didn't sell the house, maybe Ian was keeping it warm for James until he returns.
Until then, I'll be waiting. I'll confess again.
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Author's note:
The story hasn't ended yet! :)
