How Did We Get This Far? (Dan and Phil Fanfiction)

Chapter 18

Eliza's POV

I knocked purposefully on the door and waited for it to creak open.

It had taken ages to convince Mum and Dad to let me travel to England, by train, on my own. They eventually gave in, when I started crying over it. A true drama queen, but those tears were real. I really liked Dan and, of course, I wanted him to be okay.

Dan opened the door and as soon as I saw him I fell into his arms. On my way over there, I had predicted it to go the other way round. Him to fall into me, and start crying uncontrollably, but, no, I was the one embarressing myself.

"El.. El... Eliza?" I pulled away from him, keeping my grip on his hips. Never wanting to let go. His eyes looked so distant, so lost. It was heartbreaking. "Wh- What are you doing here?" I blinked slowly. Thinking about the correct answer. Suddenly, slightly afraid of this boy.

"I couldn't stay away." I saw his mouth struggle to fight the erge to smile at that. I laughed, wiping away my tears and giving him a strong hug. As I looked over Dan's shoulder, I saw Phil standing behind us. He held up 2 cardboard signs:

1) Be yourself. But be careful, he is a bit fragile, right now.

2) Thank you for coming. You'll know what to do.

And with that, he left for his room, and I knew, that he was leaving the whole apartment.

"Um... so, Doolittle, would you like a drink?" He struggled to talk in the rude and sarcastic way he usually did to me. I was going to tell him, to calm down and not bother, but i'd never seen Dan not be his sarcastic self, and I was slightly too afraid to find out. I also thought it might be better for him, if he just tried to act normal.

"Nothing for me thanks, Howell." He nodded and led me into his living room. I took his big hands in my own skinny ones and looked up at him. "Dan?" He jolted out of a daze that he seemed to have gotten himself into. On my way over, Phil updated me on all that had happened, and that he would go in and out of daze's quite often. "Dan, you know that I lov-" That was the second time I had nearly said those three words to him. My instinct was urging me to go for it, but I still felt like it was too soon for anything serious. I tried again. "Dan, you know that I really really love hanging out with you, right? I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend; just maybe one that was a bit closer to home."

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"No, no, Howell. You can't be sorry. There's nothing to apologise for, you've done nothing wrong! The distance between us is just life, it's no one's fault." My smile was so bright, i hoped that some of it would rub off on him. "You know what?" I stood up, still holding onto his hands. "We should go out for a hipster starbucks drink? Yeah?"

He looked up at me with his beautiful brown eyes, all innocent and vulnerable. "Okay." He mouthed.

I did not let go of his hand the whole way there. When he said he'd buy the drink for me I kissed him on the cheek. I was hoping this level of affection would show him how much he meant to me, and that he shouldn't be feeling this way, because he had no reason to. We all loved him, and for some reason, he seemed to have forgotten that.

As we sat at the two seated table, in the corner, my left hand and his right one were clasped together on the table, for everyone to see. Dan hid behind his fringe more than usual, and jumped at any kind of door slam. I tried to make the forced conversation, light-hearted and spontaneous, but it was so hard to bounce my humour off him, when he was hardly giving me more than a one word answer. Never had I ever put so much effort into one conversation. 

After 20 minutes, or so, I let go of his hand and stood up. "Wh- where are you going?" He looked like a terrified child.

"I'm just going to the bathroom - i'll only be a few minutes." He bit his lip and refused to look anywhere other than his half-full drink.

As I came back into the cafe, Dan was gone.