October.
I felt like our relationship was going downhill. The first few months were absolute bliss and then all of a sudden, it's all fading away. It was just like the whipped cream before a cup of coffee; the first few sips of elation and euphoria and then once they were all gone, it was time to deal with the hot brew. And now, I thought we were going to last quite a long time, seeing that he was literally everything to me. The reason why I wake up, the reason why I smile almost everyday, the reason why I enjoy work.
Everything was now cold coffee.
Before, everything was amazing and everyday was breathtaking. Now, things were just awkward.
I didn't want to be those relationships, where you think you're happy but really, reality was just warming up before slapping you across the face. I wanted this to work. And I don't believe in co-dependent relationships, but I don't think I'd be out of bed if it weren't for Luke. Damn it, why did love have to be so fucking hard?
I sigh and run both hands down my face, slapping my cheeks to make myself feel more awake. It was three a.m., and I wasn't scheduled for tomorrow, which meant I didn't have to take a sleeping pill, and that meant that the dreams came back and haunted me once again. Surprising? No. Painful? Yes.
So here I was, sitting on the kitchen stool with my laptop in front of me, re-running Luke's words over and over in my head. When are you going to stop hiding?
I run my mouse cursor over the "Purchase" button of the two tickets from New York City to Vancouver, Canada.
I was going to do it - I was going to come out of my cave from an extremely long hibernation, which technically is my apartment here in Manhattan, and I was going to fly over there to finally face my parents. I just hope the feeling's mutual, and they won't want to rip my head off.
The only problem I was facing now is who I was going to bring with me. Sure, I was ready to fly out there and either 1. get yelled at and 2. get engulfed in many, many hugs, but I sure wasn't going to do it alone.
I have been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon, and I decided on bringing Michael. He is my best friend and what better way to spend your birthday visiting your devil-like parents that haven't even met your best friend of two years?
I wanted to bring Luke. I really, really did. But, the only problem was, was that everything between us felt so uncomfortable and weird, like he was pushing away. And if I leaned forward to try and grasp him from running, it will make me seem desperte. And I don't want to scare him off like that. That was the last thing that I wanted to happen.
"He doesn't like plane rides, I know it."I mumbled quietly to myself, staring blankly at my laptop screen. "He probably won't like all of the people there. He'll get nervous, and he'll hate me forever. I will bring Michael. I will bring Michael."
Luke didn't have to know. What he doesn't know, won't hurt him. Right? Besides, I don't think I've told him when my birthday was, and it won't be bad not hearing from me for a couple of days. I'll be in, then I'll be out. Or I'll make something up.
This was bad.
'You're lying to yourself, my mind taunted me, you just don't want to face Luke, because you don't want to lose him, don't you, October?'
"No," I spoke out once again, to no one in particular. "I promised Michael that we'd have a lovely twenty-first birthday celebration. I'm fulfilling it."
'You wouldn't even be considering this idea if it weren't for your boyfriend, am I right, October? You're not brave. You're not facing your fears. In fact, you're gaining a new one.' My eyes widened slightly, and I shake my head a couple of times to rid of the voice. "You're just tired," I whisper, clenching and un-clenching my fists while taking deep breaths. "The sleep deprivation is making its way up to you. You're just tired."
I blink twice, then finally click on the button, the page changing onto a new one which asked me about the billing and such. Luckily I had my wallet along with my phone next to me, so I wouldn't have to walk through my dimly lit apartment. That voice definitely put something in my mind, now.
I pick up the small device and send Michael a small message to wake up to.
guess who im bringing to Vancouver with me in three days? pack your bags, mike. pack for cold weather, and please dont bring those shorts u bought last christmas. :-) x
I place the phone back down on the counter and drop my head in my hands. "This is good, this is great." I reassure myself. "Just keep your food down when you get there, October. Wouldn't want their snow to be messy, am I right? I should stop talking to myself."
I close my laptop shut after paying for the two tickets, grab my phone and wallet and head to my room to force myself to bed.
I wrap my legs in the now cold quilt, shutting my eyes and forcing my mind to clear into a tranquil state, but I know that only Luke could help bring that.
I would've called him the minute I woke up, so I could listen to his deep, raspy voice tell me about every single thing that he thought about, but now, I didn't want to be a bother.
Get that, I didn't want to bother my boyfriend. Doesn't that sound just brilliant?
When am I going to stop hiding? That, my friend, would be now.
But little did I know about the phrase, "one door shuts, another one opens". And the owner of that newly opened entrance is a tall, stupidly blond boy with a stupid lip piercing and stupid blue eyes and a stupid smile that can make your heart melt, who doesn't take being left behind very well.
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so basically luke's like "omg october is probs sick of me so i'll dial it down ok"
and then tobe's like "i think he needs his space so I'll just dial it down ok"
so yeah they're both pulling away for the wrong reasons and it's getting them nowhere
