Luke.
"So, yeah. That's what happened. And I can't believe it took me four years to realize that one day, I'm going to be old and dying and praying that I should've done something better with my life, rather than just sit at home or work in a coffee shop." October explained to me, her smile a little crooked and her voice still laced with excitement, just not as much as when she came in just a few minutes ago. I was still in my trousers.
The minute the words left her mouth, I felt my heart jump and leap and soar and sing at the fact that she was going to do it. My October was going to London to attend an art institute. She was going to fulfill what she had always wanted from the beginning.
Then, I felt my stomach twist and turn and implode when I analyzed her words and now she was moving to London to attend an art school while I'll be stuck here, living with my two roommates and waiting until her return. Because that is what I was going to do.
"Oh," I mumble, dropping my head and giving her a smile as I picked it back up quickly, but it felt forced. "That's- that's great, I'm...proud of you."
She pouted, tilting her head to one side and walking towards me. And it took every single ounce of strength not to reach for her and hold her in my arms until she tells me to stop - because I probably wouldn't have and I didn't want her to be afraid.
"Hey," she reached her hand forward and placed it on my arm. I stepped closer towards her, the space between us now minimizing. "Tell me what's on your mind."
I didn't reply, and she pushed on. "Baby, tell me."
"You wouldn't want to hear it," I breathe as she leaned in, the hand that was once on my arm now gently placed on the side of my neck, as October pulled my head down slightly to meet her height, her nose tracing the side of my cheek. I let out a shaky breath. Jesus. Did she want me to tell her what was really on my mind, or my opinions on - what were we even talking about, again?
"I need to hear it from you, Luke," she pulled away and crossed her arms, shielding herself but I took her wrists and put them at her sides, reaching for her waist and guiding her towards her white mattress.
I clear my throat as I sit down, bringing one leg up and hugging it to my chest.
I didn't even know how to put it into words. Hey, babe, I really want you to pursue your dreams and goals in London - only I don't want you to leave. Like, at all. Was that good enough?
It felt like it was all too soon. I couldn't even last three days without her, let alone however long she has to stay in the Institute.
"How, uh-" I scratch the back of my neck, and I know my pausing is making her anxious for my answer. "How long until you leave?"
"So you're fine with it?" She lit up, back straightening as she bit her lower lip in eagerness.
No. "Yes." No, Luke, no. "Well, kind of." Her back slumped. Shit.
"Well, weren't you the one who encouraged me to do this? I mean, now that I look at it, it actually isn't that bad, because it isn't Harvard or Oxford, or anything. Aren't you proud?" She looked up at me, her voice small.
My eyes widened at her conclusion, "Baby, of course I'm proud. It's just- London is quite far from New York." I scooted closer to her, waiting to see if she would catch my drift. "I'd be far from you."
"But I'd be doing the thing that I do best- the thing that I love, right?" Her tone was gentle yet it rose lightly.
"But- you love me, right?" I question, now feeling timid and a bit embarrassed.
