The Society of Gods Angels

I Was Free | 2

Jocelyn

I don't expect to live very long, I never did. I already knew I would die early, but not by my own hand. I know I'll kill myself here, there's no way I'll stay, and I have a feeling I won't be able to leave, at least on my own.

Fuck this place. Fuck my parents for falling for this shit. I have to get out.

"Jocelyn," a mans voice calls behind me. I turn around and meet my eyes to the father. Michael is his name. I'm not calling him father. I'll call him father out loud, but his name is Michael in my head. They put him on such a pedestal that 'father' is probably capitalized in their minds. This is bullshit.

"Yes father?" It disgusts me to say that, but I know I have to, at least for now.

He clears his throat and holds out clothes. I have to wear that. Fuck. This. PLACE! "You must wash up and change into these. Once you have completed that, you must hand over your clothes that you brought from the outside, they're unholy."

I grab the clothes and nod. "Okay."

"And no make up." His eyes warn me, and I remember that my face is covered in makeup right now. God damn it. No, fuck God right now. What the hell do you think you're doing making people like this? "Anything you have brought from home must be handed in by tomorrow."

I nod. "Okay."

He backs away, giving me a once over, making my skin crawl in disgust. "When's your birthday?"

"Soon," I reply, not giving him the satisfaction of knowing when I'll turn eighteen. I know he has multiple wives, and I sure as hell am not becoming one of them.

"Good," he replies, walking away back into the town hall. I get the urge to flip him off, but I feel eyes burrowing the side of my head. I turn to my right and see Jason walking over, his arms crossed over his chest.

He smiles. This boy is so. Fucking. Hot. I just wish he wasn't here, and I wasn't, so I could get with him. He's brainwashed now, but I'll see what I can do to get him to turn. Flirt with him. Make him want you. Not here, but eventually.

"How are you doing?" He asks, stopping a few feet from me.

I lick my lips and hug the clothes to my chest. "Fine." Lie.

"You look grossed out," he laughs. "What's wrong?"

I glance back at the town hall, thinking of how Michael, looked at me. "Father talked to me."

"That's bad?" He questions, switching his weight to his other foot.

I shrug, thinking about how to put this. I need to brainwash him back to reality, but how? I'll look up some cult brainwashing tactics, except I'll use that to get him out of this stupid trance. I want him to run away with me, just to have someone with me, and I can't do that without him knowing what's really on the outside. Eventually.

"I don't know. He scares me. He looks at me weirdly." Please understand what I'm saying, please-

"It's probably because you're new to this and he wants to figure out how to get the message through to you." For fucks sake. This Michael bitch is going to pay. "Jocelyn, how was your life before this?"

I snort. "Better than this."

"Really?" He asks, genuinely interested. There's one good thing about him being from here, he's actually interested in knowing about me rather than just wanting to fuck me. I know there's a teenage boy somewhere in there, I know it, it's the most natural thing. How do I get it out of him? "How so?"

I lick my lips and stare up at the sky, the darkness already overtaking the light of the sun. "I could go out with my friends, I could eat when I wanted. I was free to do what I pleased." Okay, now how do I put it in his language? I turn my eyes back to him. "All while also believing in God, and living with a good moral compass." There we go.

His dark brown hair starts blending in with the sky behind him, making his gray eyes more apparent to me. Beautiful. "What did you do when you went out with your friends?"

"I could do whatever, really. Go shopping for more clothes at the mall, watch movies, go to parties."

His eyebrows furrow. "What's movies and what's the mall?"

You have to be fucking kidding me. "A movie is like real life, but on a screen. Someone makes up a story that people would enjoy and picks people to play as those characters. The mall is a big building with a bunch of stores where you can buy clothes, food, games, and other things." I don't think I ever had to explain what either of those things are to anyone. How do you even explain it?

His eyes widen. "That sounds cool, but games are forbidden, so I wouldn't like the mall."

"If you weren't born into this, you would," I grumble. Bad move. He clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "It's okay, we're both not used to people like each other." At least he gets that.

You know what I noticed, this whole place is only white people. Where are the black people? Or any other race? Are they racist too? "Exactly, we can learn from each other."

He grins. "Yeah." He runs a hand through his short hair, his arm flexing hard against his T-shirt. It twists my stomach. He's gorgeous. "Well, I have to shower now, I'll speak with you tomorrow. Goodnight, Jocelyn."

I smile at him. "Night, Jason." Okay, maybe being able to see him everyday will make this cult a lot better. Sort of like how seeing your crush at school makes it a billion times more bearable. Except its like I'm living in school, and it never fucking ends.

He turns around and walks away, all the way back to the boys showering cabin. I'm not going to get the picture of him showering out of my head.

I walk back to the girls showering house. At least each shower has a curtain, but probably not for privacy, probably to block the evil lesbian tempting spirits away. I don't even have to ask if being gay is a sin here.

I walk into an open shower and throw my clothes over to the bench to my right, turning on the water. The water is warm, there's only one knob, so that's cool. What about winter? I'm. Screwed.

And just as I thought before, the picture of Jason showering right now pops into my head. I lean against the wall and run a hand through my wet hair. With the urge to just flirt Jason every second, this life isn't going to be very easy. I don't know how I'm going to survive.