dear starboy: phan neighbour au✧

anxious fascinations

dan lay on his bed, recollecting the nights memories.

his soaking clothes had been hung over the window ledge, catching the air in the chilling october breeze.

he and phil had been dancing.

in the rain.

together.

dan remembered phil that night. the memory had been seared into his mind.

the scattered diamond-like rain decorating his jet black hair, his ocean blue eyes were glazed and starry.

he looked like a painting. a perfect character born from an artist's imagination. like a flawlessly cut gem.

in dan's eyes he was beautiful.

dan smacked his head into the pillow, trying to rid his brain of the insane thought.

phil was his friend.

dan wasn't even gay. well. he hadn't given the idea much thought. he'd been raised by his parents to have a standard kid. except the lack of appreciation, bonding time and communication they gave him.

dan had to confirm his feelings.

he knew he loves somethings about phil. his smile, his personality, his weird obsession with stars, his tendency to do what others would think would be impossible, how different he was compared to everyone else.

it was exactly midnight.

he slid open the window, shifting his damp clothing. he shoved his fingers into his mouth and let out a whistle.

phil stumbled over to his window. his choice of pyjamas being underwear and a red hoodie that reached his knees.

he met eyes with dan, immediately feeling his face turn the same shade as his hoodie. he placed his elbow on the window ledge, his chin resting on his open palm.

"this was worth waking up for."
"what?"

phil raised an eyebrow and pointed towards dan's chest. dan followed the direction of phil's finger only to realise he was utterly shirtless.

he felt a rosy blush dust his cheeks but phil just laughed it off.

"hang on."

phil retrieved a bundle of grey, tossing it to dan. dan inspected it. it was a grey pullover hoodie that had horns.

he pulled it over his head, fitting nicely.

"that wasn't why i came here."
"such a shame."
"i just wanted to see you."
"you did?"
"yes."
"oh."

phil straightened his back and patted down his thighs.

"your parents home, kitty boy?"
"nope. business trip for 2 more days."
"you should come around."
"sounds like a plan."

dan pulled on some ripped jeans as he jogged down the stairs to his front door. he was on phil's doorstep in record time.

phil's house was somewhat desolate. the cracked white walls were surrounded by spirals of emerald ivy. the blue-green door swung open to reveal phil happily smiling.

"evening, kitty boy."
"evening, star boy."

dan awkwardly stepped into phil's house, struck with the sudden sweet aroma of rose petals and chocolate.

phil guided his neighbour to his room.

peachy pink walls decorated with grey scale polaroid pictures, a fluffy stainless white carpet, white metal daybed covered in an assortment of pastel cushions. most of the interior was pastel or white.

dan sat on the bouncy bed, hugging a lemon yellow pillow to his chest. phil held out a blue porcelain mug and tilted his head.

"hot chocolate?"

dan accepted it and delicately sipped phil spun on his toes and finally planted himself beside dan.

"what brings you here this fine night?"
"i don't know. i felt compelled to see you." "let's blame the stars for aligning us such a fate."

dan sleepily blinked as he set the cup on a nearby white cabinet. phil shimmied closer and let his head fall onto dan's shoulder.

dan felt his stomach flip. phil being so close made a million butterflies burst inside dan. he knew it should feel wrong but it felt so wrong.

was it wrong?

would everybody hate him?

would phil leave him?

would his dad hurt him?

would he get bullied?

a sudden wave of fear washed over dan. his normal breathing took a turn for sharp half drawn pants, his head was spinning and throbbing with a needle like ache.

dan clutched his head, balling his dampened hair into his calloused hands. he threw himself to the floor.

"dan? dan? are you okay?"

dan knew it was an anxiety attack but that didn't stop him from feeling the walls were closing in.

a strong pair of arms wrapped around dan, pulling him into a hug. phil pulled dan into his lap, hugging his trembling body and rubbing small circles into his back.

he pushed the hair away from dan's ear, a clear path for him to whisper words of encouragement.

"it's okay. i'm here. i've got you."

after almost ten minutes, dan settled. his breathing was shallow and his face was dripping in sweat.

phil had never left his side.

it felt so right.

dan tightly shut his eyes before saying what would change his life.

"i think i'm in love with you."