dear starboy: phan neighbour au✧

pretty lies

phil was helpless. 

he had been laying on his silky bed sheets, taking his time in perfectly looping his handwriting for the most recent letter he'd send to dan. 

phil had loved dan from the start. the way he acted like he was too cool for everyone else but under his visage was secretly a dork. 

he hadn't planned on dan knowing he was his admirer but now that they were officially dating, he considered signing under his true identity.  

crash  

an echoing sound of shattering glass filled the house next door. phil shrugged it off with little thoughts of dan accidentally dropping a coffee mug or plate. something stupid. 

// 

it was around 10 at night when phil caught sight of a hooded figure angrily slam a door and storm into their room. 

his prince. dan.

phil slipped his note into a crisp candy red paper envelope. he tucked it under his feathery pillow and sauntered over to the window. 

"evening, boyfriend."
"phil." 

phil was taken aback by the sudden icy tone in his gruff voice. on second glance dan did look different. his grey pullover hoodie with the horns practically hid his face but phil didn't miss the narrow wet lines streaking dan's rosy cheeks. 

"hey, are you okay?"
"yes."
"are you sure?"
"yes."
"you really don't seem-"
"i said i'm fine!" 

phil sank back into his room, fiddling with a glinting white fairy light. 

"i was only trying to help." 

dan felt a pang of guilt but immediately pushed it aside. staying with phil would only hurt the both of them. phil would be more worried in a relationship with dan than without. 

at least that's what he kept telling himself. 

"phil."
"dan."
"you know we're friends."
"yes."
"that's why i'm breaking up with you." 

phil felt his heart tearing itself to pathetic shreds. his face turned grim as he bit his bottom lip to stop it quivering. 

"but.. you love me."
"we can't be together."
"is it your dad? we can runaway and-"
"no phil. i can't love you." 

lies. filthy lies. 

dan felt remorse and pain flooding over him in a painful wave. 

"we can't do this."
"why am i not good enough?" 

no. you're perfect. i'm not good enough.

"phil. let's just leave it at that."
"no. what did i do wrong?" 

nothing. i'm the one who made mistakes. 

"phil. just leave it."
"am i too weird? am i what they saw me as too? the weird gay boy with the fucked up eyes and obsessions with stars? the freak that was unloveable?" 

"no." 

"do you have any idea how much that hurt? how many tears i wasted on trying to change myself? how many scars lined my ugly body because it wasn't good enough?"

"listen."

"no! you listen to me! i finally thought somebody accepted and loved me for who i was. but no. he was just a liar abusing me in the worst way possible. do you know how broken i feel?" 

"... no." 

dan couldn't ignore the tears brimming phil's beautiful eyes, spilling over and forming damp streams on his fragile pale skin. 

"look at me, dan." 

dan shook his head, following small dancing crows with his eyes. he did love phil. but all he'd do would hurt him. more than the pain of heartbreak. if dan didn't leave phil, his dad would probably kill him. 

"look me in the eyes. look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me." 

dan felt his shoulders tremble violently as he muffled his sobs into his closed lips. his face turned to phil. 

the boy he'd loved. 

the one who was now sniffling noisily, desperately wiping his tears with his red hoodie sleeve. 

"i don't love you." 

phil smiled through his aching pain and tearful shivers. he tugged at his pink curtains; mumbling a quiet farewell before shutting them.    

"goodbye, dan."              

phil was helpless. 

helplessly heartbroken.