dear starboy: phan neighbour au✧

heartbreak reprise

broken.

dan was broken.

the same image of phil's sorrowful smile after their breakup was the only thing running through dan's empty head.

the letters stopped arriving and phil always had his curtains closed. dan's father would avoid him and his mother would generally avoid the house.

it was now the 23rd of december. dan thought about him and phil happily playing in the snow. pelting each other with snowballs and nestling in each other's arms with warm tea at night.

he should be in the christmas spirit.

but he wasn't.

he sat on his bed, reading through his collection of notes and scoffing. who would see such nice qualities in a monster.

78. how you can make somebody happy with only a wave and smile. stay golden ;)

90. the fact you care about small things. even when you don't care. details create the bigger picture.

he had been receiving the notes for over 3 months but still had no clue who s.b was.

after hastily discarding the letter, he picked up his chipped guitar. he didn't know many songs but one felt right to play.

he planned on singing but immediately shut his mouth as a distant voice sheepishly sang.

'if i told you that i loved you tell me,
what would you say?'

dan strummed quietly before whispering to himself.

'if i told you that i hated you
would you go away?'

'now i need your help with everything
that i do.
i don't want to lie, i've been relying on you.'

silence. like awkward static.

'i'm sick and i'm tired too.
i can admit i'm not fireproof.
i feel it burning me
i feel it burning you.'

'i hope i don't murder me
i hope i don't burden you.
if i do, if i do.'

dan glanced at his icy window. phil's curtains still hang, covering his bright room.

the singing died along with the guitar strumming. neither of the boys wanted to make any contact. what they had together was long gone.

dan placed his guitar under his bed. his life was pretty pointless right now.

he probably would wait for the holidays to blow over and go back to school for more studying.

how boring.

//

shattered

phil felt shattered

he'd actually thought dan was different.

how stupid.

he was just like the old bullies. the bullies that forced him out of their school.

the cutting surely started again.

thin red lines littering his arms. like tiny flicks of a crimson dipped paintbrush.

how ugly. what would dan see in him?

oh right. nothing. he left him.

dan was the only thing stopping him from leaving the corrupted world he lived in. dan was his lifeboat that left him for dead.

oh, the irony.

phil pulled a sheet of star patterned paper from under his pillow.

he took his time constructing the perfect letter with his best handwriting; despite the frequent shaking in his wrist.

he barely noticed he was crying till the tears blotted the thin blue paper. not even bothering to wipe his tears eyes, phil signed the letter and delicately placed it in its matching star blue envelope.

outstretching his arm, phil left the
envelope stuck under dan's window.

he pulled on his red hoodie and black jeans. an outfit he'd never usually wear.

he turned out his light and headed to his safe place.

the waterfall.