jeongyeon,
do you know what the word "nervousness" is?
it was the feeling of when i first met your parents.
nervousness was something i knew very well whenever i was with you.
because jeongyeon, i never wanted to disappoint you.
no matter how times you did that to me, i never wanted you to feel that.
it was a nice dinner with your parents. it was silly how many times i bowed to them and to your brother, making them chuckle repeatedly.
then again, i'm such a mess whenever it's about you.
they made me feel at home. they made me feel that i definitely could be part of their family.
that's because they knew how much i loved you.
when your father asked me about my work, i sheepishly told them about my low salary job at the nearby cafe.
my cheeks turned red, and sweat made its way down my forehead to my cheeks.
then, you held my hand.
"it's okay, i can tell that they really like you already." you smiled and whispered.
hearing those words gave me a big relief.
i wanted them to be happy with me.
more importantly, i wanted you to be happy with me.
one thing i really regret now is that i told them that i would never break your heart. i would never make you sad. jeongyeon, i shouldn't be promising that to them when you could not fulfil that for me.
when i could feel their eyes boring holes into my back as i slowly ate the food prepared, it gave me the feeling of nervousness.
when i made eye contact with your brother, even if he was smiling, that was the feeling of nervousness.
jeongyeon, you showed me what nervousness was.
and i'll never forgive you for that.
-jimin
