jeongyeon,
do you know what the word "pain" is?
it was the feeling of seeing you with him.
he was striking handsome. his face was angular, but not too squarish.
no wonder you chose him over me.
then, i recognised his scent.
that cologne was all too familiar, jeongyeon. you've been planning this break up for so long, haven't you?
you're so self-centred.
but i still love you.
your dolphin laugh was still the same, jeongyeon. i never realised how much i missed your laughs and warm hugs.
after all, i was under the illusion that i was able to move on without you.
and as you two connected hands and walked towards the cafe i worked at, my stomach twisted into knots.
did you remember when i used to be that guy?
i did.
when you laughed at his jokes, that was the feeling of pain.
when you gave him quick pecks all over his cheeks, that was the feeling of pain.
i never realised that tears were slipping from my eyes and touching the floor until my co-worker and girlfriend, mina, pointed it out.
"are you okay?"
wiping my tears, i frantically answered,
"yeah, my eyes are just a little itchy."
she was one of the things that could ease my pain and keep me from losing my sanity.
because she was selfish unlike you, jeongyeon.
sooner or later, she became a replacement of you. we dated and that helped me to forget about you.
until i saw you then.
and that was when our eyes met.
immediately, i looked away and left the cafe as fast as i could, tears streaming down my puffed up cheeks.
"jimin!" i heard you and mina exclaim.
i missed hearing your voice, jeongyeon.
and as i walked through the busy streets of seoul, i knew you were looking for me.
weren't you?
for all the pain you caused me, i hate you.
endless nights were spent thinking about you. endless nights were spent just sobbing silently under my covers, hoping that one day you'll just come back to me.
you don't deserve me after what you have done,
jeongyeon. i don't deserve this pain, do i?
jeongyeon, you showed me what pain was.
and i'll never forgive you for that.
-jimin
