jeongyeon, do you know what the word "misery" is?
it was the feeling of when you broke up with me.
that night, you finally had enough of me. those words "sorry jimin, but my heart isn't with you anymore. you need to move on and find someone better than me, because i'm just not the one for you. there's someone else that has taken my heart. i can't anymore. i'm sorry."
and just like that, you left.
jeongyeon, you took my happiness and my heart when you stepped out of our apartment.
i should've hold on to you a little tighter.
i should've stopped you when you walked out of that door.
i should've gone on my knees, begging you repeatedly not to leave me.
but i didn't.
and now jeongyeon, it hurts so fucking much.
i feel as if a piece of me has been ripped out of me.
no, i now can't feel anything besides pain.
every word that i had said to you, did it not hurt you at all?
"jeongyeon, don't go."
"i need you."
but you didn't spare me a second glance.
how did i not give you all the love? how did i not give you all the happiness?
i gave you my all, jeongyeon.
but you didn't return it. instead, you took it and left with it that night.
and silently, i let my tears fall as the door closed behind you.
i shouldn't have let you go. why was i so stupid?
and for the whole night, i drank.
bottle after bottle, i drank them all.
then and there, i just wanted to drink my sorrows away.
until the whole house reeked of liquor, which then seemed to be the thing closer to me than you, even if I hated drinking.
every present that you gave me, i burned them all.
except for one.
it was the watch that you gave me on my first date. that scenario played in my mind again, when you put it on my wrist, as your small hands connected with mine.
you were mine then, jeongyeon.
and as i'm writing these notes that you'll never read, and saying these words that you'll never hear,
i
still
miss
you.
my life is the feeling of misery without you.
and i really hate you for showing me that one person could hurt me so much.
i waited all fucking night, jeongyeon. i waited for you to just come back and tell me "jimin, it's all just a nightmare. i still love you." and run back into my arms one last time.
but you didn't, you really didn't.
you never ever realised how much i loved you, and how much you broke my heart with just a few words, because you're so selfish. i hate you so much because of that.
jeongyeon, you showed me what misery was.
and i'll never forgive you for that.
-jimin
