Warm December's

(31)

*short chapter*

"We're leaving in one week." I say to myself again and again. I'm scared. I moved once when my parents were killed and I had totally lost sight of the whole Jacob thing. I still didn't know where he was, and that made me more nervous.

He hadn't texted or sent any more things. Hadn't said a word.

Maybe he was dead. I wanted to think that.

Maybe he didn't care anymore. Now that was just a lie. I didn't know and as much as I wanted to find him, I didn't want to see him. When I moved to Florida it was for a fresh start. Blake and I are moving to fast. I'm still not over dean and I'm starting to just think of him as a best friend. It's scary. I didn't want to ruin what we had but in some way, I did. I hated being in a relationship but he was such a nice and loving guy. He was there for me, I could talk and talk to him about everything, but maybe the reason for that was because he was my best friend before.

It's just

Hard.

"Winter. Are you sure you want to be there by your self for a week, cause if your sure I won't pack yet." He asks.

"I'm sure." I smile as he pulls me by my waist into a hug.

"Okay." He paused. "I love you." He said as if he was waiting for a response and every time he says it, it just makes it more awkward.

I didn't have to pack much and I would probably save it for the last day to pack. I bought my plane ticket and I had one of Emma's friends lend me an apartment out there. I was honestly nervous but I knew I had to tell dean.
————————

Days past and all I felt was guilt. I didn't know why. Maybe if was because I was still in love with him. I just. I need to think, before I actually do this. I feel like I'm using Blake. He's one of my good good friends. I don't want to break that. He loves me and I- I don't and I don't think I ever could.

My wound had healed now. No more stitches. There was a scare but I didn't care. It made me look cool and it felt good to be able to other things then rest in bed.

Now today, the day before I leave. I sit on the couch debating when to tell dean.

Do I not at all?

What will he think?

I'm just scared.

I finally get up and head to his house. The house where he made me sleep over, the house where we almost had our first kiss when gray walked in. Such memories. Things I can laugh about.

Everything changed when I got shot. Between the people I love. They changed. I changed. We all changed. In good and bad ways.

I lost dean.

I changed.

I miss him.

I sit sat in the car in front of his house about 10 minutes after I pulled up arguing with myself about when go in. I finally decide to just get up. This needs to happen. He needs to hear this. And this might change everything. Or make it worse.