Warm December's

(35)

We still stand there in silence. The paramedics had left. The police had left and we just stand there in the middle of what seemed like no where. They offered to take us home but dean said it was fine and he would take me home on his bike. Of course the paramedics said that he shouldn't because of his side but he said it was fine. That was 10 minutes ago but again we still stand here in silence. I could tell he was thinking.

"Hey you okay." I ask kind of worried.

"Yeah I just thought I was going to say something to someone today and now I can't." He slightly smiled but I could tell it was fake and sad.

"What was it." I see him look down at my lips and I suddenly get scared. I wanted it, so bad. But we were both with other people. He wouldn't, would he. I see him look up but now I'm the one thinking of kissing him. I'm not that person, I never was and never will be. I just hate that I'm thinking about it. I hate that I feel like I'm emotionally cheating but Blake knows that I still love dean. I told him it would take him. When we lock eyes we both know it's wrong but we don't say anything.

"Um." He gulps. "You ready to go." 

"Yeah" I start to walk over to his bike.

"You know the first time I was on this bike you took me home from school and lied to me about taking me home." I laughed but then wished I never brought it back remembering that was the first time we almost kissed. The first time I realized I might have feelings for him.

"Yeah." He paused and smiled. "That was a good night. Then we went up to the hill I always went to and talked all night. We were late to school the next day." He laughed.

"Yeah you wouldn't even get up. We ended up just staying home. But of course you just had to jump with me into the lake." I smiled.

"You made me!"

"How!? You literally picked me up and jumped into the lake with me in your arms."

"You made a bet with me. I don't back down from bets." He laughs.

"So if I make a bet with you that you can't go on a really really high up ride you would go on it." I smirk.

"Um, wait I told you that night what my worst fear was didn't I!" He smirks with me laughing to.

"What can I say." I laughed.

"Hey I know you hate going fast on my bike." He gets on and taps behind him. My eyes lay on his lips once again but I quickly pull away. I think he noticed but it didn't matter. I got on and sat as far away as I could but his arms went around me and pushed me forward.

"Don't do that." He said quietly.

"Do what?" I ask.

"Don't pretend like this is wrong. We're not doing anything. We're just taking a ride."

"Okay. Where are we going." I yell as the engine kicks on.

"The same place when we jumped in the lake." And just like that we were off and my arms immediately flung around his chest.  I could here him laugh and it brought butterflies to my stomach. Somewhere deep down I knew I couldn't stay with Blake.

That the hardest part about thinking about it was hurting him. Even if dean didn't love me, or feel the same I couldn't be with Blake the same time I loved dean. Blake and me just happened. I feel there was no thought or process in it. It just happened. Even though we've known each other for years I didn't feel for him the way he did for me. I didn't laugh the way I did dean, or smile or just be happy. I couldn't do that to him.

"You okay!?" I hear dean yell because it had been quiet for a while. We had both been thinking. I didn't know what he was thinking and it was honestly freaking me out.