Collaboration || Dan Smith

Fifty-Five.

Lana's point of view

I almost screamed when I saw the state of my secret lover. He was covered in his own blood - from head to toe. I can't even believe he is still alive. Fuck those thugs who did this to him! People in London can be so mean...didn't they wonder why he looks depressed or why he is wearing his dad's best suit coming out of the fucking church? I swear to god people cannot put two and two together anymore.

"We need to call the police." I whisper look at Dan's swollen bloody face. He looks unrecognisable. "No we fucking don't." Dan snaps while he looks away from me. I don't call his bitchness out. I feel like I deserve to be a part of his guilt. I was the one keeping him here instead of with Maisie. I need him to take it out on me so I feel better.

I haven't been sleeping right since his daughters death. I feel horrible. This wasn't my intention. I wanted to become a step-mum. That's how much I love Dan. I was willing to tolerate the little fuckers for him...and anyone who knows me knows I hate kids. But I'd be a step-mum in a heartbeat for Dan.

I hope he would do the same for me...well I hope he would.

"Dan I'm scared to put this stuff on your face. It's going to hurt and I'm not sure you can tolerate the pain. Especially in this frame of mind." It's the day of his daughters funeral - for all I care he can risk getting an infection - his mental health concerns me more. "Just rub the alcohol on my face...please..." Dan whispers the last bit. Obviously my man still has manners left in him...I smile sympathetically and nod my head.

I'll also do whatever he tells me to do. I'm just trying to be a good person and I know that is impossible because of this 'relationship'. But we was planning to tell Maisie in the most...comforting way. This isn't what we wanted.

   "I'm not a bad person am I?" I cry while looking down at the white wet cloth that I've neatly folded up. "What?" Dan mumbles. His voice is sounding less stern and more lighter. "Baby..." Dan whispers as I rest my head on his bloody shoulder. "None of this was supposed to happen and I'm a bad person for letting it." With that I feel Dan supportively hug his arms around my body, holding me tight like a child and their blanket.

"She would've still died...even if I was there. It's better that the truth is out in the open anyway." I cannot believe that the man who has just buried his only child is reassuring me. That's awful too. And I caused it...yet again.

   "I'm so sorry...about Bee in general. You loved her and despite everything you told me about acting like an arsehole to her at first - you're not a bad father." Dan shakes his head. "No. Dan. I mean it. You're a good father and Bee would've been proud of you." Dan doesn't say or do anything. Instead he rubs my back slowly.

   "I lied." He whispers as I make a 'huh' sound. "I didn't get randomly attacked. It was Maisie's brother. I went to the toilets and the next thing I know the door bursts open and he...just went off on a rampage. I can't blame him. I treated Maisie like shit and I deserve this, you know?" I have to shake my head. No one deserves such a thing. No one. "Why didn't you fucking yell. This guy can not get away with hurting you like this." His all messed up. Bloody and bruised.

   Dan closes his eyes and shows his head as I hug him tightly. "I want to die. A part of me has felt that way since she died, you know? It's not fair that her life was already over the moment she was born. And I'd give anything to see her...anything. I'm fucking done." I shake my head as Dan breaks down crying. Jesus Christ.

   "I'm not done with you yet. I'm never going to let you be done with me either. Never." I need to reassure him without mentioning Bee. "Please never scare me like this again." I whisper while I close my eyes embracing him as I feel his warm blood stick to my face. Dan doesn't say anything he continues to sob and nods his head slightly.

   He doesn't say anything else...neither do I.