let's pretend we're numb

16.6 NO this can't be happening

Jahseh was happy everyone was happy I was happy but I couldn't find a name for her "mhm" I hummed thinking jahseh looked at me "jahserella" he said I laughed "no" I said "uhh mia" I said "neutral but I like it" he said "mhm avah" he said "what the fuck" Myra chimed in "Neveah" I said "hmm I like it I'll think" he said I nodded "hmm Jocelyn" I said with a sour face his normal facial expression went from normal to a smile he nodded "let's do it" he said I smiled "Jocelyn it is" I said everyone clapped and cheered including the doctors one handed me the papers jahseh signed his name and I signed mine then the baby's name which is now 'jocelyn' I smiled Jocelyn is so cute Jahseh was happy he didn't look nervous anymore I laid with Jocelyn and Jah and laughed with everyone and just enjoyed the moment I handed Jah Jocelyn and his face lit up there was a connection Ion know the doctors came back in "ok so now all we need to do is weigh your baby girl and test her" she said I furrowed my eyebrows "test her for........" I continued the r in for "osteogenesis imperfecta it's very rare in girls but we want to test early to be sure there is a few signs jocelyn could have it but it's very rare it could be temoporary signs" she said "well what is it" I said "osteogenesis imperfecta is a group of inherited disorders that characterize fragile bones leading them to break" she said freaking me out I think she saw that "it's very rare though fewer than 20,000 us cases per year" she said I had no idea what that meant I nodded "Alright so what we're gonna do is take your little angel to the peds floor and get her an MRI" she said I nodded "and if that doesn't work we're gonna ask doctor shepherd to come in" she said I nodded I was scared even though she said it was rare I was still scared she took Jocelyn and told us she'd be back "well" Myra said "It's gonna be ok" Mila said I nodded biting my lip we waited for 1 hour she came back without Jocelyn with this sad face I sat up "we ran a few tests... and uh unfortunetly they all turned back positive" she said looking down with tears in her eyes all of a sudden I felt this wave of sadness overcome me 17 years old and I thought everything could go great Cleo walked over to me and hugged me hesitated before hugging her I shook as I hugged her tears flowing out of my eyes Jahseh just sat there I could tell he was hurt very hurt "d....do you wanna see her" the doctor said I nodded she walked out and went to get jocelyn she came back and handed her gently to me I smiled "um another thing about osteo uh in most cases there is stages stage 1 stage 2 stage 3 and well in this case jocelyn has stage 3" she said "is it deadly" my mom barged in I didn't care about anything except this child in my hands "unfortunetly yes" she said I cleared my throat and focused myself on jocelyn "how long" I said "ma'am" the doctor said "how long does she have to live" I said "about 2 maybe 3 hours" she said when I heard that I broke down but I wasn't gonna show it I played with jocelyns little curls as jahseh laid in the hospital bed with me holding me and jocelyn he didn't cry but he had tears in his eyes I wonder what the name jocelyn ment to him I did remember him saying he had this friend that was a girl that killed herself and he was gonna make a song about her I shook the thoughts off and enjoyed my time with jocelyn 3 hours had passed of quietness and us just enjoying her her breathing got very short tears dropped down from my eyes and as she took her last breath she smiled I smiled at her and after that you could no longer feel her breathing I cried still holding her in my arms the doctors took her away "ma'am" Dr.Grey said I looked up from my hands "we need you to sign these papers but first I want to talk to you about what your signing" she said "give me the papers" I said quietly with tears still in my eyes "ma'am please" she said "GIVE ME THE PAPERS" I yelled with my teeth gritted snatching the papers out of her hand and signing them I was furios I was sad I felt all emotions she sat down next to me and hugged me she was the best doctor ever honestly "I know this feeling so many people I know have died my sister died in a plane crash my mom died from altzimers my husband got hit by a semi truck my bestfriend flew all the way across the country there was a mass shooting here in this hospital and before my bestfriend left and my husband died my husband was shot in the chest and my bestfriend saved him I had a miscarage I just found out that I have another sister and that the former chief of this hospital was her father" she said I still had tears flowing out of my eyes "the whole point of me telling you that is to let you know things get better they do" she said I nodded "your only 17 you have a whole life ahead of you ok" she said I nodded she does understand but she has lost so many people I have lost one really important person to me in the world she smiled "Im gonna give you some time" she said I still had tears pouring down my eyes she left and I still was crying ski hugged me "It's okay" he whispered hugging me tighter I needed that I needed hugs meanwhile Cleo My mom were outside moarning they were gonna be grandmoms but now they aren't I cried harder as stokely hugged me and didn't let go "it's all my fault" I cried "it's not you couldn't have known" he said "it is I....I coulda prevented it" I said "there's no way you could have it's rarely detected in pregnancy," ski said I cried harder he let go "ok im sorry to interrupt you'll be here for another 3 days just to make sure you're ok and just to wait until you heal mentally and physically ok" Dr.Grey said I nodded "also we're gonna have dr.shepherd come in here to check your spine and see if any fluid built up that's common in pregnancy's" she said I nodded "get some rest" she said I nodded and laid down turning my back to everyone jahseh had his head down "Jah" I said he looked up his eyes red and puffy I put my arms out he got up and laid in my arms and we fell asleep together.

plot twist sorry Ion know I like greys and I just thought hey lemme do this you know because April her baby also died from osteo so im gonna have April talk to aya also her real name is Kayla if you didn't know sooo yea bye ily and have a good day, evening, night im sorry