Midnight Love || ✔️

11:58 pm

xxi || twenty-one

ELLA WAS at first shocked and furious that Rose had brought Noah. She panicked. She didn't want him to see her to in this state. He would never again look at her the same.

But then Noah started talking, his voice piercing through the fog in her brain, and she had laughed. He always made her laugh. Slowly, it felt like she was gathering her strength, and she stood from her bed and made her way to the door just as he finished his story. She hesitated. Could she do it? Could she open herself up to this boy, show him this part of her that no one but select few knew about? Could she be this vulnerable?

The answer was yes. Yes she could, because he had been nothing but be good to her. He had shown her again and again that he cared, that he was good. It seemed that no matter what she revealed about herself, whatever fucked up thing that happened to her, he didn't care. He saw her. And yes, she was afraid that one day it will be too much, he wouldn't be able to take it all, but how could she know if she didn't give him a chance?

And she really liked him. Really liked him.

Ella was scared that Noah might have been playing a game with her. That he didn't actually care. That he was just trying to get something out of her—get with her for a dare or something. She knew now that Noah wasn't playing a game, because he showed her he cared. He didn't just say stuff. She learned that words meant nothing, but that actions were all that matter.

With that thought in mind, she opened the door. She braced herself for the look of disgust, for the withdrawal, but it never came. Now they sat close on her bed, and she was well aware of how long it had been since she last showered (Saturday, when Rose half-dragged her limp body into the shower). Noah did not rush her, but simply sat beside her, patient. Her heart swelled at how he was handling this.

God, this boy was an angel.

After a few minutes of silence, of Ella hyping herself up, she was finally able to utter the words that were shoved deep inside of her. She had never told anyone the story of her mother to anyone who wasn't there except for her therapist, Dr. Le. But it was time that she did.

"About three years ago I woke up to my parents fighting," the words rushed out her, and she heard Noah suck in a breath when they settled. "It turned out my mom was going to sneak out of the house early that morning with a suitcase and her belonging with only a note explaining where she was and what she's done. She was an actress and singer, she wanted to be a star. She could have become one too, she's really good. I've seen some tapes of the plays she did when she was younger, she was excellent.

"But during university she fell in love with my dad. He gave her a choice, choose him and stay here, or leave him and go become a star. She chose him and that was that. But nearly fifteen years later, and two daughters, she decided that she doesn't want to give up her dream after all," she breathed in a shaky breath. She could go through the events in her mind with only a dull ache, but speaking it to someone brought forth the tears. "I begged her to stay," she continued. "I begged her to stay, but she didn't. She walked away. I was so angry at first, at my dad mostly. I blamed him for her leaving because he told her she could leave. It's unfair, but I isn't in the best mind state at the time.

"Then the anger turned into sadness, and what happened this last week—" she gestured to the room to encompass everything that happened, "it was the same thing. My dad didn't know, and Rose didn't know what to do, either. He finally found out and took me to see someone. I got prescribed anti-depressants and started seeing a therapist. I was getting better. Soon, I forgot all about my mom. It was like she was dead to me. I stopped going to the therapist months ago, and the meds a little after I met you," she smiled at him, the smile coming easier now. It felt like a huge load had been lifted off her chest. It didn't feel like there were a million bricks pressing down o her chest. She could breathe easier, her shoulders weren't weighted down anymore by this huge secret. It made up so much of who she was, but it was nothing to other people, because they didn't know about it.

But now Noah did.

Noah smiled now and shook his head, his eyes looking at her as if she was a true angel descending from heaven. "You're incredible. You're strong. I don't know how you've managed to survive all this, but you did. You're amazing and I'm so lucky to know you," his voice was low, an almost whisper.

"I'm fucked up, Noah," she said. Her voice was also low, matching his. "There's still some things you don't know about me yet. You might decide I'm too much work, too complicated. You can have other girls who are a lot easier to be with," she saw him open his mouth to protest but she brought up a hand, silencing him. "But you showed me that you cared. You did things. Words don't mean shit to me. I've found out they aren't worth much. But actions . . . actions speak volumes. And yours are shouting at me your true self," she laughed a bit.

"You're good, Noah. You're one of the good ones, and I'm the one who's lucky to know you, to have you in my life," she turned towards him, sitting cross legged now, excited. She still felt exhausted, and the pull of climbing back into her hiding place was still there, tugging, but Noah's pull was stronger. "That's why I want to take you out on a date," she saw his eyes widen and her smile dropped, disappointment crashing over her. "If you still want to, of course," she rushed to add.

"Of course I want to!" Noah said, and Ella jumped a bit at the confidence of his statement. "I was surprised because . . . well, no one asked me out on a date before," he chuckled, and soon it turned into a laugh that Ella joined.

"You've done so much for me. You showed that you care for me. Now, I want the chance to show you that I care about you, too."

Noah smiled, "It's a date, then."