Paralyzed [Nouis]

Chapter 16 // Niall

"Because why?" Louis asked. I looked down, biting my lip.

"Because . . . " I have to think of an excuse fast. Come on, come on, come on. What would make me depressed?

"The hate," I blurted in mid-thought, hardly even thinking that over. I didn't even realize what I was saying until I said it. "It's too much."

"Niall, don't listen to them. You're beautiful and amazing," Louis encouraged, scooting closer to me and stroking my cheek, making my heart flutter, "I love you Niall."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek, wrapping me in a small hug. "There are so may people that love you, Niall. There are so many more lovers than there are haters. Okay? You're perfect, Niall. Don't listen to haters. I love you."

Louis tightened his grip on me, letting me bury my face in his shoulder. I mumbled into his skin. "I love you too, Louis."

After out small moment, Louis pulled away from the hug, taking my hands instead.

"Please don't do this again." Louis said, looking at my wrist. I lay my hand over my wrist, covering the scars and cuts. Louis looked up at me.

"Promise me you won't do this," Louis said. I couldn't make a promise I wouldn't keep, so I just looked down, staring at the blankets.

"Niall . . ." Louis trailed off for a moment or two, doubt filling his voice. Promise me."

I closed my eyes, still ignoring him. I couldn't make a promise I couldn't keep. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't.

"Niall?" Louis squeezed my fingers gently, trying to get my attention. "Niall-Niall, please say something."

I shook my head. Louis squeezed y fingers again and, figuring out that that wouldn't work, said, "Look at me, Niall."

I obeyed, almost immediately wish I hadn't. His eyes were filled with tears, his face showing so much concern I wanted to cry. My lips began to tremble.

"Don't cry." I said, reaching out to touch his cheek. A tear slipped from his eye, running over my fingers.

"Then promise me you won't do this anymore." Louis said, placing his hand over mine.

I shook my head, dropping my gaze. I slipped my hand away, and he dropped his hand, too.

"Why, Niall?" Louis asked gently. "If I have to, I'll tell you how perfect you are everyday. The hate-"

"Isn't the problem." I interrupted, my voice no higher than a whisper. I was hoping maybe he didn't hear it, but he was five inches from my face, so of course he did.

Louis' eyes widened. His whole expression showed how taken back he was. "B-but you said-"

"I know what I said." I interrupted, my voice a bit louder this time. "Hate doesn't bug me. I just . . . I have problems."

"Niall just tell him!" Zayn piped all of a sudden. I'd forgotten he was in the room. "Fuck, you two are driving me crazy!"

"Wh-what?" Louis asked, looking back at Zayn, who looked like he was going to rip his hair out.

"Niall has to tell you something." Zayn said, grabbing Harry and Liam, dragging them away.

Louis looked back at me, gripping my hand tighter. "You have to tell me something?"

"N-no." I stuttered. Louis slipped off the bed, getting on his knees in front of me, between my legs, which were now dangling off the bed.

"Niall, please tell me. You obviously have to say something so just- please, please tell me what's wrong." Louis said, placing his hands on my knees.

It felt weird with him there, so close to something that could actually decide it wanted to grow hard any second. "I-I-"

The door opened suddenly, and a nurse came in. "Niall Horan, you can pack your things. Your friends signed you out."

-•-

That's it. Louis thinks I have something to tell him. I know I'm gonna crack and finally blurt it out, but I can't do that.

It was silent the whole way home. It was closing in on midnight, and I was about to pass out. Despite sleeping for four month, I was exhausted.

We all clambered out of the car as it came to a stop in front of our house. I stumbled onto the porch, bursting through our front door.

"I'm going to bed," I mumbled in a rush, hoping none of them followed me upstairs. "Night guys."

I walked into my bedroom, but instead of getting into bed, I ran into the bathroom, keeping the light off and locking the door.

I fumbled around in the dark and found a bottle of pills. Sleeping pills. Those will finally put me to sleep, right? I mean, it makes sense.

I grabbed the bottle of mouthwash and dumped it out, rising it a few times and filling half of it up with water. I took about five pills in my hand, shoving them in my mouth, drinking them down.

I grabbed about five more, shoving them in my mouth and drinking them down as well.

I kept on taking the sleeping pills by fives until the entire bottle was empty. I stumbled out of the bathroom, clutching the empty bottle of pills, and clambered onto my balcony.

I began feeling dizzy, as if I were about to faint. I climbed onto the brick wall of my balcony. I looked down.

This would be a long fall. I thought.

I laughed. I didn't think it over or start being afraid, I simply began laughing.

I closed my eyes, smiling as I felt myself begin to fall.