Paralyzed [Nouis]

Chapter 22 // Niall

It's exactly what Zayn had said. Everything was just a stupid game. He was with Harry. The whole thing was just a scheme to get me to realize Louis loved me. I knew it. I knew I wasn't good enough. I was just being used.

I crawled my way to the bathroom and reached for a razor, but stopped myself as I realized what I was doing. They would find out. They would take me back to the hospital. I can't have that happen. Oh god, please no.

I scoot out of the bathroom and dragged myself to my bed, laying down on my stomach. I let my tears fall into my pillows, soaking them. I don't know what to do anymore. I think I need to get out of here.

I got up quickly and grabbed a suitcase, shoving everything I could in it as quickly as possible. I've got to leave. It's the only way I'll fix myself, if that's even possible. I need to get away from Zayn and Harry and Louis.

I left my suitcase on my bed and opened my door, prepared to go to Louis' room only to find him already standing there. He smiled as he saw me, but when he saw the look on my face, the beautiful smile dropped.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked, concerned, walking into my room and shutting the door, leaning on it. I looked down for a second. Should I tell him I'm leaving?

No. No I don't want to. I just looked up and hugged him, as tightly as I possibly could. He was a little shocked, I could tell, but he hugged back, asking again, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I muttered, walking to my bed. I grabbed my suitcase and walked downstairs, brushing past him as I did. For some reason, I thought he would just let it go, but he followed me downstairs, like I should have been expecting.

"Niall, where are you going?" Louis asked worriedly. He grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving. I turned around to see the confusion clouding his eyes, and that only made me feel guilty.

"I-I'm leaving." I gulped back my fear (I tried to, anyways). "I don't know where I'm going, b-but I can't stay here."

"What? Why?" He was frantic now, of course. He grabbed my arms, not letting me move or squirm out of his tight grip. I sighed in frustration and defeat.

"B-because it's my only chance to get away from everything." I said. "Everyone. It's all just so confusing and it's giving me a constant headache, I just hate it!"

"No, no, please. Don't leave me, I-I mean us. Wh-what about the rest of the guys? Niall, they'll be worried sick and I'll have to explain it to them and they'll hate me for not stopping you, please stay." He rambled. I knew it was a mistake to go to Louis, even just for a hug (though he actually came to me first). "I can help you with your problems, whatever it is, I promise. Just please don't leave me- u-us."

"I have to, Louis. I have to." I said, trying to wiggle out of his grip again, but he was stronger than me. "I can't do this anymore-"

"Yes you can. Come here," He pulled me over to the couch, sitting and pulling me onto his lap. "Tell me what's wrong. Anything. Really, I will help you."

I shook my head, my heart beating quickly. "N-no, Louis. You would be able to help, I know, but y-you just wouldn't understand-"

"I will!" Louis promised. He was really persistent on trying to get this out of me. "I promise, Niall. I can't let you leave and risk you-you doing something stupid again. Tell me what's wrong, please."

"F-fine." I said in defeat. "Well, Zayn doesn't really love me, he's with Harry. I don't think I love Zayn either, I love someone else, but it still hurt to lose Zayn."

I paused for a moment. "He only dated me because he wanted me to realize the person I love actually loves me back, but that's impossible. He said he wanted to make the person I love jealous, and after I saw they were jealous, he would tell me to go get them, but I saw Zayn was hiding something and he's not a good liar so he just came clean."

I sighed. "Then we 'broke up', and the person I love still doesn't love me back."

"Besides, the plan would have never worked anyways, because the person I love loves Zayn, but it's not Harry, and everything is just so confusing and I hate to hurt the person I love by telling them Zayn is with Harry, b-but I have no choice." I rambled on and on.

Louis didn't say a word until I was done. Then, he asked the one question I was hoping he, in particular, would avoid. "Who do you love?"

"I-I don't wanna say. It-it's nobody." I stuttered out. I stood and grabbed the suitcase, rolling it to the door. Louis got up and tried to stop me, but I just pushed him hands away.

"I love you, Louis. Always remember that." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "You'll always be my best friend. No matter what."

With that, I just walked away with my suitcase rolling behind me, my wallet and phone in my pocket, and guilt fresh in my heart as I took one last glance towards Louis, his face covered with tears and shock.