Paralyzed [Nouis]

Chapter 21 // Louis

As I paced the halls, I heard bickering coming from Niall's room, where he and Zayn were, but I didn't wanna listen in on it. That'd be wrong. I was too consumed in my own thoughts, anyhow. And, as you can guess, they were all about Niall.

I'm too late. Zayn swooped Niall off his feet before I could. See? There goes fate again. Maybe, no matter how much it hurts to try to accept it, I'm just not meant for Niall. He loves Zayn, Zayn loves him, and I love him. I'm just the jerk getting in the way of a beautiful relationship. Who am I to do something like that? A fool, at the least.

I sighed and stopped by my door, entering my room and laying on the bed. The yelling in Niall's room had only gotten louder. I grabbed my iPod, shoved my headphones in, and hit shuffle.

"Next 2 You" by Chris Brown (feat. Justin Bieber) came on. I felt my heart drop as I listened, wishing and wishing I could sing this to Niall, or be this way with Niall. If only.

You've got the smile, that only heaven can make 

I pray to God everyday, that you keep that smile

I smiled as I thought of Niall's smile. It always made me feel happy, and it made me feel happier that I could picture it perfectly.

My smile faded as I thought about how much of a struggle Niall must have gone through to keep that smile. Something had been troubling him, right?

Yeah, you are my dream 

There's not a thing I won't do 

I'll give my life up for you 

Cause you are my dream

I smiled as that line blared through my headphones, completely wiping out my negative thoughts for the moment. I thought about the dreams I had of Niall. Niall and . . . well, me. Niall and I. Together.

At one point, I even dreamt about us getting together on my birthday. We would all be outside, playing in the snow. I would finally have the courage to go up to Niall, thank him for the gift, and admit. He would tell me he loved me too, we would kiss as the snow fell, and we would hold hands. His hands would be in mittens, but mine would be bare. It just . . . it was just perfect.

A tear rolled down my cheek. I wished that could be true, but I know it wasn't. It never would be. Why would Niall want to be with me when he has someone like Zayn?

A door slamming caused me to jump. I took out my headphones, shut off the music, and carefully opened my door. Zayn was standing outside of Niall's door, pounding on it with both fists.

"Niall! Niall I'm sorry! We just wanted to make you realize he loves you! He doesn't love me!" Zayn shouted. Niall shouted something back, but I couldn't hear it- not with Zayn's constant pounding on his door. "Niall, please!"

"Go away, Malik!" I could barely hear Niall shout, but somehow, it came to me. "I just need some time to myself!"

Zayn sighed and grabbed two handfuls of his hair, tugging at it, and walked away, off to his room. I could hear him banging his head off the wall from my bedroom. He must be hitting pretty hard.

I walked slowly to Niall's room and knocked softly on the door. For a few seconds, I didn't hear anything, but then I heard Niall's weak voice.

"Go away, Zayn. I need time to myself." He called. It sounded as if he were crying . . . well, actually, it sounded more like sobbing.

"It's not Zayn, it's Louis." I said. There was some shuffling and then the door creaked open. Niall's eyes were visible.

"What're you doing here?" He asked sharply, but his voice was soft and no longer angry. I shrugged.

"Did you and Zayn get into a fight?" It made no sense to me, honestly. How could they get into a fight already? They've been together, what, a half hour?

"Y-yeah." Niall said. "Not to sound rude or hostile or anything, but why do you care?"

"Because I care about you, Niall." I pushed open the door and slipped inside, careful not to hurt Niall. I wiped the tears off his cheeks and hugged him tightly. "I care about you a lot."

"Thanks, Louis." He whispered, laying his head on my shoulder. I rubbed his back and gave him a few minutes just to breathe. "You're really sweet."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked softly. He shook his head, sniffling.

"No. I just . . . I don't know what I wanna do." He admitted. I pulled away from the hug and wiped the tears off his cheeks again. He looked down and sighed. "Can I just be alone? It's really sweet for you to be worried, b-but-"

"I understand." I said, kissing a tear off of his cheek. He smiled, a blush settling on his cheeks. Why'd he blush? Are my lips warm? "I'll be in my room if you need me, Nialler."

I squeezed his hand lightly and walked away, back into my room. I played "Next 2 You" by Chris Brown (feat. Justin Bieber) again, and the negative thoughts came back.

Like, how Niall must have been struggling to keep that hold. Desperation had gotten the best of him. So bad, in fact, he cut. And, worse than that, he tried to kill himself. Who's to say he doesn't try again?

And, this isn't as bad, but he ran away. I still remember. But why? Why did he run away? I tried to think. Did he ever tell me? No, no he didn't. But he said he would.

I got up, shut my music off, and headed back to Niall's room. I know he said he wanted to be alone, but the curiosity is eating me alive. I have to find out why Niall ran off that day, why he starts self-harming, and why he tried to kill himself. Who knows, maybe I can help.