Anthony’s POV
I feel completely helpless. I hear Ian right outside. He was standing by the door. I heard him every now and then just telling me to breathe, that he is here, but right now, none of this matters. I have my back against the door. I have my head buried into my knees. I am breathing to hard right now. I need to breathe right now. I need my space. I need, I don’t even know what I need right now. I suddenly hear Ian ask, “If you want we don’t have to film for Smosh today, I can call up the crew and say we’ll film another day?” I try to speak, but I can’t. I can’t get any words out. We never reschedule a day to film for Smosh, I don’t want to reschedule, but I am frozen right now. I have never had a panic attack so severe. At this point, I have to agree to cancel filming for today. “Ye-ye-ye-yes. If-th-th-th-that’s o-ok.” ‘Wow I sound pathetic,’ I thought to myself. Ian sounded reassuring though, “OK man, that’s fine! Let me give them a call and I’ll tell them its cancelled today. I’ll be in the living room if you need to talk.”
Ian has always been so patient with me. It’s a wonder we are even still such close friends. How the fuck does he put up with me? How? I am such a fucking burden sometimes, I seriously have no idea why he has any more patience with me. I sat down on the floor for what must have been 2 or 3 hours. I slowly stand up, my hands still shaking. Damn, I’m such a freak. I’m a mess. How the hell do I have so many fans? I guess that I’ll never be able to figure out...no. What I’ll never be able to figure out is how the hell I am going to deal with these feelings. Like I said earlier, I don’t love Ian, I know-ugh damn it. I don’t know what I know myself. I know that made no sense...OK, I need to stop talking. Well, I’m technically not talking right now I’m- oh what the fuck am I doing? OK, I slowly grab onto the doorknob, open it slowly to see Ian sitting on the couch, looking at me with those big blue eyes, with a concerned look. Why do his eyes have to look so amazing?!
Ian’s POV
Finally, Anthony came out of his old bedroom. I was starting to get so worried. When he came out his eyes were red from crying so much, his face was puffed out, his hands still were still shaking a little. Why out of all people does this have to happen to Anthony? I can’t stand knowing that he gets panics attack so often. I know personally that when he isn’t having them he is the opposite of the person he becomes when he experiences them. He is always just so happy, funny, and genuine. So when I see him going through this, I just don’t even know what to feel. He slowly walks over to the couch and plops himself down onto it, “Listen man, I’m-I-I’m so so-” “You don’t even have to apologize for it. I get it. You can’t control these things when they happen!” Anthony sighed, “I just- I just didn’t want to have to- I just didn’t want to be the reason for rescheduling another day for Smosh. It means a lot to me. And I know Smosh means a lot to to you to.” “Look, I get it, seriously! We can film another day, it’s simple! It’s not like rescheduling Smosh for another day caused world hunger or World War 3!...Or for barbershoppole to walk into the room!” Anthony smiled faintly, “Thanks for understand, you’re a really great friend.” I smiled back, “Don’t mention it.” I could tell Anthony was still noticeably upset. “Hey, you’re not planning on going back to LA tonight, right?” Anthony looked back over at me, “Probably not, I might just stay here for the night.” I nodded, “Alright, sounds like a good idea. If you want I could stay here tonight to. I don’t want you to be alone is all.” “Yeah, if that’s OK, I would like that for tonight.” He smiled at me again, and I smiled back. “Sounds like a plan then.”
