Topp Dogg Fanfic- Two Groups, One Heart (completed)

Chapter Thirty-Five: Sick

Nara-Bo

I found out about Sara-Jo's death two days after it happened. Apparently they already had her in her urn. B-Joo sent me a picture. It was very simple, but beautiful, which is the opposite of Sara-Jo in my opinion.

The urn was white with gold itty-bitty flowers in the front that formed into a cross. Apparently she was really religious and none of us really knew it. It's strange though because I didn't think religious people would want to kill themselves, but I could be wrong.

I did cry, but now today is Sunday, a new day. Plus, it's the fifth week of my pregnancy. It's still pretty early, so obviously there's no bump, but I am starting to get the nausea. It's not too bad though. Some mornings I don't even get sick. I've cried more than I've gotten sick.

Xero hasn't talked to me or came to see me once. He must have been pretty angered by me getting pregnant. If anything, this child should have been B-Joo's.

It kills me everytime he contacts me. Every day at noon, he runs down to the pay phone outside the practice building, and calls me. When I hear his voice, my heart just wrenches. He still loves me after what I've done. He acknowledges that I did it too. B-Joo always asks me how the both of us are doing. I don't even like the idea of something growing within me, but he's so happy about it.

It's nearing noon right now and I'm getting nervous. I know he's going to call me. I'm afraid of hearing his happy, cheery voice. The guilt kills me every time and I just can't prep myself for it. Even my older brother doesn't call me as much as B-Joo does. Scratch that. Jenissi doesn't call me at all.

Suddenly, the phone rang. I reached over to it quickly before it woke up my father. My hands grew sweaty as I gripped the phone. I already felt the sick feeling in my stomach.

"H-Hello?" I whispered into the phone. "Hey Nay-Nay, how are the two of you holding up?" My stomach wrenched and I thought I would throw up onto the phone. "I'm good," I said, as usual. "I was wondering if Jenissi and I could come and visit you two. Maybe you can introduce me to your father finally." My heart almost jumped out of my chest. I shook my head. No, you can't come, I thought in my head. "Sure, come on over. My father would be happy to see you," I lied to him. I imagined B-Joo's innocent smile. "You really think he'd be happy?" he asked me. I shook my head, no again. "Of course he would be," I told him another lie. My father hates everyone, even Jenissi and I, especially after him and mom split.

"I'll see you later then. Jenissi said to be sure your room is clean. He said your dad would be throwing us in there." I giggled even though I knew I was going to be sick. "See you," I replied. "I love you," he told me. The guilt reached my head now. Out of no where, I started to get a headache. I gulped down my vomit which made me even more nauseous and said, "I love you too." I quickly turned off the phone and threw up into the garbage basket next to my bed.

I sat back up and sighed. "How will I face him?" I asked myself.

*****

The door bell rang later that night at five. That means they probably didn't eat dinner yet. I didn't even think to make dinner because I wasn't hungry and father wasn't calling to ask me.

I ran to the door and gulped down the saliva growing in my mouth. Two shadows could be seen behind the curtains. I slowly opened the door and smiled the best I could.

B-Joo's face was so bright and cheerful. He walked in and wrapped his arms around my body. I could hear him breath in the smell of my hair and sigh. "I missed you so much." I smiled even though I felt the guilt already growing. "I missed you too."

Jenissi came in the door just as B-Joo started to rub my belly. "How are you doing in there?" He said to my stomach. I smiled and rolled my eyes. Not even I did that. Jenissi rolled his eyes too. "I don't think it can hear you yet, B-Joo." Jenissi lightly pushed B-Joo away and smiled as he welcomed me into his arms. He breathed in the smell of my hair too. "You smell good," he said as he pulled away. My hand involuntarily moved to my hair. "Really? Thank you, oppa."

B-Joo came to my side and grasped my hand. "Have you eaten yet?" he asked excitedly. I shook my head, no. He looked at Jenissi with glowing eyes. "Can we go somewhere special? You can hang out with your father." Jenissi dropped his shoulders. "Is this how you treat your hyung?" B-Joo nodded his head. My brother slapped his arm then looked at the both of us and smiled. "Go, you can take my car." B-Joo acted like a little kid and jumped. He pulled me towards the door.

At other times, I would be happy if Jenissi let me go out with my boyfriend, but not today. I just don't think I'm mentally ready to face B-Joo by myself. He may have forgiven me, but I haven't forgiven myself yet. Plus, I honestly still have feelings for Xero, even if he hasn't contacted me once.

It took about five minutes in the car and then he stopped. He opened the door of the truck for me and helped me out. When I got out and saw the place we were going to, my stomach turned.

We entered the coffee shop and took a table. "Do you remember this place?" I nodded my head. I remember it perfectly. It made me sick. "This is where we met." He nodded in joy. "Then you took me to your house and we had our first kiss." I looked at B-Joo and suddenly all my emotions just blew up.

The tears started to swell up in my eyes. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. B-Joo narrowed his brows and reached his hand out to me. I snatched my hand away.

Then I took in a deep breath. "Just stop, B-Joo. I can't take it anymore." I didn't know how loud I was, or how rude I sounded, but it felt good. "What is it, Nara?" I looked him in the eyes. "The guilt," I shouted it this time, "it's killing me! I'm still in love with Xero!" I saw B-Joo's body frame fall back. He looked as if one of his parents just died. "I thought I made you happy." He held onto my eyes, trying to understand.

I covered my face, not able to look at him anymore. "You did, B-Joo, you did. Just not anymore." I felt the coldness in the air. It was awful. "Are you breaking up with me?" He asked. I nodded my head, yes. "Please, just leave me alone, B-Joo. Just take me home and leave with my brother and don't come back, not until I'm ready." B-Joo sat there for a few seconds. I could still feel his presence. "Okay," he said after a few minutes of silence. "C'mon, I'll take you home now."

He took me home. I said goodbye to my brother and goodbye to B-Joo. Then I ran into my room and started to cry.