binded

zane ; mary jane

TW ; drug use

During my last class of the day, Spanish III, Axel and I sat beside each other once again. This time, we exchanged phone numbers and he invited me to hang out with several of his friends after school. At 5:00, I'm sent an address by Axel and told to meet him and his group of friends there in twenty minutes.

When I put the address into my phone, the map unveils house closer to inner Los Angeles and is a fifteen minute drive. I look into the mirror, remembering the words of my mother when she bought me my first binder. Don't wear it for longer than 8-10 hours. It's already been ten hours, but just the thought of revealing my true self to someone that I just met today and several others that I don't even know is terrifying on it's own.

That's why I rush out of the house before my mom can notice that I'm still flat chested and get in my car. I allow the radio to play a station that I've never heard, a song by Fall Out Boy blasting through the car speakers. I tap my fingers against the wheel as I navigate myself through the neighborhoods.

Finally, I pull up to a one story house that looks rather old. The ivory paint is chipping off on the walls, the original color, an olive-like color peeking through. Something about this place doesn't feel right, but that doesn't stop me from getting out of my car and knocking on the door.

When it opens, a rush of smoke punches me in the face and I immediately cough. The scent is indescribable, but also blatantly obvious. They're smoking weed, and I was invited to do the same exactly that.

"Are you Zane?" the guy at the door asks, his eyes crimson red and droopy,.

I nod and he leads me inside, music blasting throughout the house. Everyone is sitting

nearby the couch, some sitting on it while others are on the floor. Most of them have their own blunts rolled, but some hold bongs. They're all prepared.

"Zane." Axel stands up, setting his bong down on the couch, "If anyone touches it, I'll beat your ass."

I stand still as he hugs me tightly, my eyes going wide. He pulls away and leads me to where he was sitting, saving room for me beside him. Hesitantly, I sit down and all eyes fall on me.

"Let me introduce you to everyone." he says, pointing to the guy on the opposite side of the couch, "That's Keon, his girlfriend, Camilla, Adrián, Dalton, Cody and Lane."

They all seem preoccupied with each other, Camila leaning on Keon's shoulder with a goofy smile and Cody smoking from a purple and blue bong. I pause as Axel grabs his bong once again and brings a lighter to bowl, the tube filling up with smoke as he pressed his lips to the mouthpiece. Once the fog began to fade away, he exhaled the smoke into the air.

"Do you want to take a hit?" Axel asks, "You can borrow my bong, or someone can roll a blunt for you."

I feel like I've been trapped in one of those 'don't do drugs' commercials as an angel and devil pop onto my shoulder. The angel pleads that I don't do it, that this could be the thing that ruins my future and that my reputation will go to utter shit. The devil however, insists that it can be a one-time thing. That I've just met these people and that I would want to impress them.

Within the world, there are angels and devils. The girl from my psychology class, Grace, is an angel. I've always been in between, more human. Maybe with this new school, it is time for me to go to the dark side and become the spawn of satan.

"Sure." I nod, grabbing the bong from him. Someone (who I assume is Lane) sprinkles crumbs of marijuana into the bowl and pulls out a lighter. After flicking her thumb against the flint wheel several times, a miniscule flame ignites and burns the cannabis and the water within the base begins to bubble. The smoke rises faster than I expect and my mouth is invaded with the flavor of citrus (I wasn't expecting it at all). I blow it out and feel an immediate sense of light heartedness overcome my body.

"How is it?" Axel asks as I pass him back his bong.

I nod, grinning, "It's not bad, not bad at all.

Throughout the night, I ride off my high after two more bong hits. It feels as if I'm perched on the highest cloud as every peaceful song ever known to man plays. I'm at ease...comfort.

By 8:30, I begin my drive home. I know that it isn't entirely safe, but Dalton gave me eye drops and cologne before I left the house (that I learned is owned by Adrián's biological father). As I drive home, I feel the high die down and eventually disappear when I pull into the driveway. However, my feeling of bliss is replaced with a sharp pain in my chest. I've nearly forgotten that I've been wearing my binder for almost fifteen hours and panic sets in.

I rush up into my room and take off all of my clothes, afraid of what I will soon see on my chest. The instant that my binder comes off, I take a deep breath in and see tiny bruises near my ribs.

Never again I think as I go to bed. Never again.