Say You Won't Let Go *EDITING*

Please Baby, Please

Bakari had his own personal room, mostly because I bought it. My business was growing rapidly, and I was getting thousands of dollars daily. So I made sure to buy everything expensive. I wanted to make sure if he was going to be here that he'd have a comfortable stay, even if he wasn't conscious to know it.

I came everyday and didn't really leave, they had a shower here and everything. I only went to the hotel to change clothes and get food.

I couldn't go to that hotel to sleep, when I was highly uncomfortable. I had gotten so used to having his body heat and the accessibility of his arms around me while I slept that I didn't realize how much not having it was going to affect my sleep. I tried only once to sleep at the hotel, it ended with me laying in the middle of the bed, laying flat on my back and letting the tears run the sides of my face. Racing to see which side could reach my neck first.

So I spent nights watching over Bakari in the hospital, using makeup to hide the fact that I wasn't getting any sleep. Eventually over time, I even stopped caring about applying makeup. I just went out into the world not only bare faced, I didn't look bad barefaced. I went out with my bare face with a emotionless expression.

Man, I didn't have motivation to really do anything, sooner it became lack of motivation to eat.

I didn't feel hungry anymore, and I knew it was the depression inside me. I don't know why, I walk past food shops and the smell of coffee, or melted cheese with would usually make my mouth water, made my stomach want to empty itself.

So I avoided eating anything, all I could really tolerate was liquids. To make sure I didn't starve my body to death I bought many smoothies. It was such a weird feeling, I wasn't hungry, I didn't feel hungry, but I knew after 2 weeks my body would start to eat it's self.

Again, I found myself at Bakari's bed, all alone. Instead of enjoying what would have been our first Christmas together, I'm spending it sad over the fact that he isn't awake. I didn't know what I was going to do.

I left his hospital room that night once again, heading out into the streets, earbuds in my ear playing music in my ears.

Thinking about how unfair this is, I've waited so long for a romance as sweet at this. I belonged standing beside Bakari, in a bliss that was so blinding nothing else around me mattered.

I had that, but then it was stripped away from me. I felt like I was living in a daymare. I wanted it to end, so bad. Nothing was really fazing me at this point.

All the love I felt while with Bakari was fading, it's going. The darkness which I once was exposed to is crowding me again. It was all around me. I felt trapped and nothing was really helping me escape it. I didn't even feel like I could.

The devil strolled on into my life and I just let him come right on in and take a seat.

I was honestly upset beyond words, he was everything to me and I lost that, just as quickly as I gained it. Right when he admitted his love for me, is really when he's taken. That's the real fucked up part.

Walking down the street my hoodie on and my music loud. You couldn't tell I was a woman if you walked past me. My hair was pulled back and hidden in my hoodie.

With my smoothie in hand I was heading back to the hospital. I was slowly losing myself.

I waited so long
For something sweet like this
It's where I belong
Beside you in blinding bliss

I also cried thinking upon my situation, I can't really believe what's going on with me. This wasn't me, and I haven't been me for a while now.

I'm living in a daydream
Nothing that could faze me now
I'm caught up in a daydream
Nothing that could wake me now