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as soon he stepped outside from my house, he turned around and said, "I don't like animals." his voice was soft like whispers, and he was looking straight into my eyes before he looked at the door behind me, "they are dirty and noisy."
I pressed my lips into a thin line, suddenly my cheeks were reddened as I could feel the heat, I was embarrassed for having cats in my house. our eyes met again and when he turned around, I didn't know why I felt like an arrow just struck my soul.
"I'm sorry," I breathed out, but he just walked away slowly. I hung my head low as I let a tear rolled down my cheek. I entered my house, welcomed by all my cats with them rubbing their body on my legs. "you're not dirty and noisy," I whispered to them.
I looked at him with an unexpected teary eyes, "I'm sorry." I lifted the cat and put her out through the window. "she was just hungry," I wanted to explain further but he rolled his eyes as if I did something really disgusting.
"they are dirty and noisy."
he turned around just like that night, and a tear finally slipped when he walked away slowly without saying anything else. "no, they're not dirty and noisy," I whispered while holding my tears.
two pairs of eyes were looking at me, asking me for empathy. I closed my eyes, "I'm sorry mochi, matcha-ya," I couldn't bear to look at them; it hurts my heart to leave them. "I can't bring you with me..." I paused a few moments as I remembered those words he said, "he has allergies."
I didn't even know why I lied them as if they could understand me. I stayed with them for an hour, with a music in our background so they could calm down and close their eyes to sleep. and then I stood up and packed most of my things in my luggage.
"don't worry, jihyun-ah. we'll take care of mochi and matcha!"
my lips curled into a smile after hearing both of my parents, "thank you mum, thank you dad." I zipped my luggage once I was done, and then I looked at both of them. they were standing on my door frame with tears on their eyes.
"live happily with your husband, hm?" my dad whispered which made me lose control of my own tears, he came forward to give me a hug, "come to me if he hurts you, come to me if you want to cry, your dad will hug you like always."
my mum approached us to join our hug, "visit us, hm?" her voice cracked as soon she spoke, "we'll die missing you like crazy." she sighed, "I've always wanted to see you with a wedding dress but why does it feel so heavy?"
I dialled for her number and within two rings, she answered me quickly. "oh, hello my sweet girl?" I missed hearing her voice so much that I was starting to cry again, I held my mouth to calm myself first.
"oh mum! how are you?"
"is that our baby girl?" I heard my dad's voice yelling in the line which made me broke down but I put the phone down so they couldn't hear me sobbing. "are you coming this christmas eve?" his tone changed, there wasn't even a single hope trailing.
I sniffed and wiped the tears on my cheeks, "I don't know yet, dad. yoongi..." I paused, "is getting busier lately." I didn't lie, I was telling the truth but why did it feel like I was hiding something from them?
"where is yoongi? can I talk to him?"
"he's in the toilet, dad."
"tell him to call me after he's done."
I listened to them talking about their business, their little quarrel and compliments to each other. it felt like I was there with them in our small house with two of my cats. it felt like I was their little girl who wore cute dresses.
"I miss you guys," I finally let them hear my cry, I hung my head so low as I gripped the edge of the counter so tightly, "I miss you guys so much; it's killing me." I didn't care if I was sobbing so loud but I suddenly felt like I was broken.
I felt like I was slowly shattered like a fallen glass. "it's okay that you can't come this christmas eve, there's always next time..." I shook my head as if they could see me, I wanted to see them, I wanted to see them so bad. "we understand, jihyun-ah. you should understand your husband too."
