Notes to Ashton.

chapter 5

Dear Ashton,

today is the day. you guys leave for a whole year.

I know you guys won't miss me but ill miss you. its pretty pathetic if you ask me.

I woke up early for this. to be able to get up and look half way decent and also to write a note of how I feel before you guys leave.

that sounded even more pathetic. im sorry for that. I hope you guys get famous so you can pursue your dreams.

you don't know it but I hear you talk to mom about how much you wanna be a famous drummer. to be able to play all around the world for people. that makes you happy.

truly happy. and that's what you need. happiness.

since last week at dinner with everyone I have been watching you more...and before you think of how bad that sounds, I mean like in a way to see if your okay. but you haven't been.

I heard you the other night screaming. I don't know what from but im sure a nightmare, and then you were in the bathroom for a good amount of time. not using the bathroom because I would have been able to hear the toilet flush. and it didn't.

I hope you just went in there to sit or splash water on you face.

that would be good. instead of doing something stupid. but I know deep down you didn't go into that bathroom to splash water on your face or to just sit.

we both know what you were doing in there and for some odd reason I get this knot in my stomach knowing your hurting and I can't do shit about it.

I wanna help Ashton. I wanna be there for you whenever you need someone but you don't notice me.

at all.

I love you Ashton.

wait not like that! well...wait no. not like that.

eh just forget I wrote that. well mom just called me so I could say bye.

I hope you get better throughout this. I wish the best for you and the boys.

Bye

-Cameron.

I shut the notebook running down the stairs after making sure my sweater sleeves were down. my hair was in a pony tail and I was wearing black skinny jeans.

I stood at the end of the steps, it finally hitting me that the only person that actually seems to care about me is leaving. for a whole year.

I didn't notice I was crying until Luke saw and came over to me wrapping his arms around me and embracing me in his amazing hugs. I hid my head in his chest and he held me tight as I held onto his shirt not wanting to let go. not wanting him to leave. but I know he has too.

"Cam please don't cry. I don't like seeing you cry"

"im gonna miss you. your all I have left" I choked out and he took my hand and lead me into the kitchen, setting me up on the counter and standing between my legs with a paper towel in hand.

he wiped my tears away and put his hand on my cheek.

"you know if you ever need me you can call me. I will answer."

"I don't know when you will be asleep, doing something or performing. I don't wanna bug you"

"look at me" he said making me open my eyes to meet his beautiful blue ones. "if you need me. call me. I love you Cam and if you need to talk to me then I will talk to you. you know I will" I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"your the best" I mumbled letting a few tears slip back out my eyes.

"promise me to be strong",

"Luke I can't promise you anything" I told him.

"at least try. for me" I nodded placing a small kiss on his cheek.

"thank you" I whispered and he helped me down. I walked over to the rest of the boys and Calum and Michael pulled me into hugs.

I didn't expect one from Ashton and he didn't bother to give me one either. it hurt yes, but im not gonna let it get to me. I already know im probably gonna write it in a letter anyway.

they walked out the house, Luke being the last one to leave. I waved as tears slipped down my face because I wouldn't have my best friend to help me through anything.

I watched as they got on the bus and soon they were gone.

I was officially alone now.