Notes to Ashton.

chapter 18

Its been weeks since Ashton, Luke and even the boys have heard from Cameron. They didn't want to bug her knowing that she was in school and needed as much time to herself as she needed.

But Ashton was getting impatient. Waiting for that call that told them all that she was okay. That she was doing good in collage.

Everyone was over and they were currently eating pizza and joking around. Out of nowhere a phone goes off and its recognized as Lukes.

He pulls it out and instantly answers the phone with a bright look on his face.

"Hello?" He smiled brightly.  Ashton automatically knew who it was. Pain shooting through his entire body, he put the pizza down and looked at his hands. Feeling uncomfortable he got up throwing his remains out and went to his room.

Michael watched as the boys eyes went from bright to dull within a matter or seconds. Getting up he followed the curly headed boy to his room and stopped his door from slamming.

Pushing it open Ashton was already standing in front of the window looking out.

"Are you okay?" Michael asked shutting the door quietly behind him.

"No" was his answer. At least he is being honest. "I haven't been okay for a while Michael."

"I understand Ashton"

"No you don't understand. You don't understand what it feels like" Ashton snapped. Michael didn't let it alarm him because he knew Ashton was going through a tough time.

"Then tell me. Tell me how it feels."

"It feels horrible! It sucks that my parents are dead and im the only one who survived in that car crash. It sucks that because that happened me, Harry, and Lauren were put in foster care. It sucks that they don't think im stable enough to watch over them. It sucks that I cant see them everyday. Im surprised that you even found me and helped me find somewhere to live that was remotely close to you. And it sucks that Luke has someone I cant have." Ashton finished venting already having tears brim his eyes. He turned back around to look out the window as Michael stood there.

"Feel better?" He asked after a moment and Ash bobbed his head. "Good. Because I do know how it feels. To feel alone and not be able to have what you want. My parents left me to live with my grandparents because they didn't want me. And..and i can't have the person I fell in love with so quicky..just because they might not feel the same way." Michael voice lowered.

"Who?"

"Um..I-" he trailed off. Ashton walked over to the boy and made him look at him.

"Who" Ashton asked once again.

"C..ca-" he stopped talking and looked at the floor. Not wanting to be judged by one of his best friends.

"Calum?" The boy in glasses guessed and the sharp intake of a breath made Ashton know he was correct. "Why don't you tell him? He may like you back."

"Wait so your not disgusted that im g-gay?" Michael asked looking up at Ashton with teary eyes.

"Why would I be? I have known you for most of my life Michael, your my best friend whatever makes you happy makes you happy. I have nothing against LGBT people. If you like Calum then you like him. Just don't wait to long to get him."

"Like you?" This time it was Ashton's turn to take a sharp breath. Looking at the ground he nodded slightly.

"I already lost her Michael."