17. jade is trying

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I crush another piece of paper with a sketch of a gown dress that's nowhere close to enough.

Ugh, put your shit together, Jade. This can't go on for much longer.

The first day after my breakdown I got a fever because my family forced me to go out or dinner so I could cheer up but it started raining out of no where.

The next three days a wave of creativity flew over me and I drew as never before, helping with my excuse for not going home before dinner.

The fifth day I was looking for a picture of a dress I downloaded from Pinterest and I found some selfies Calum and I took once I went to his house. We seemed so amused. I remember telling some stupid joke. God, I remember feeling so happy.

It's been more 5 days. After a lot of search through Pinterest (and the urge not to go to my gallery again) I found the dress. And as I look at the floor, where a dozen of crushed papers lie, I remember how hard is trying to sketch it when I can't fully concentrate.

"Jade, it's already 6. It's friday, just go home."  Eleanor, the design team leader smiles at me, noticing my failed attempts to work until late. 

I hate wasting paper so I regret wrinkling the ones on the floor. I pick up every single one ,straightening them up as good as I can, keeping them in the middle of my graphic diary.

"See you , Jade. Try to get some rest, you look tired. Don't forget about sunday." I wave back at Beatrice, our most recent rececionist. She must be about our age. I've heard she's daughter of the owner.

I walk out of the building and I almost choke on my saliva.

I lock eyes with a body I'd recognise anywhere some feet apart from me. His back is facing me so he doesn't see me.

But once again, he wouldn't see me anyway. 

Ashton, who is standing next to Calum, spots me and starts talking before I can run away.

"Before you get mad at me, hear him out. I'm tired of you two being this miserable."

I sigh and start approaching them.

So Calum feels bad about it too? Maybe I should apologize.

The raven haired boy looks in my direction at the sound of my footsteps.

I notice his hair is messier than usual. A black denim jacket hangs over his shoulders. I remember telling him he looked good in it once.

My cousin said I've been in denial since I've been avoiding thinking of him.

And now that he's standing right in front of me I know Ash was right.

I don't look at any of them while I intertwine my arm with Calum's. Giving him my hand would be too much for me too handle.

"Fine. We'll talk. You can go now." I dismiss my cousin. I get it that he's worried but I'm still allowed to be pissed off. It has been two weeks and I was doing just fine. I was doing fine.

I start walking to a little garden where I go sometimes with my co-workers.

I look to the side and I bite my lip. Being this close to him is actually making me nervous.

"I'm sorry, Jade."

I suck in a breath. Hearing Calum's voice after all this time blocking it from my heart makes me realize how much I miss him.

"I'm taking you somewhere." It's my only answer. 

I didn't expect him to apologize.

I wrongly take advantage of his blindness to observe his profile.

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