The Only One » cth [en]

10. jade feels something she hasn't felt for a while

I close the apartment door behind me and throw my bag to the floor. I kick off my boots, not caring if Ashton is gonna get mad at me for leaving them in the hall.

"Wow, you look like shit." Luke notices me first.

I throw myself on the couch, landing on Ash, Luke and Calum's laps. Michael always sits in the floor. He claims it's more comfortable.

"Thanks, I try my best."

"That's what you get from skipping uni." Ash adjusts my feet on his lap.

"What do you do then?" I look up to Calum as my head is resting on his legs.

"Well, I was offered a design internship at the end of high school."

"You never told me you like drawing."

"It's the first thing anyone should know about her." Luke states and I choose to ignore him.

"Design is not only about drawing, but yeah, it's the part I like the most. My boss is always an ass but he was feeling extra inspired today."

"What time is it?" Luke interrupts me and I watch Michael pausing Mortal Kombat to check the time.

"Fuck." They curse at the same time and Luke lifts my back so he can get up. Ash and Michael also stand up so I sit straight next to Calum.

"Where are you going?" 

"We were supposed to meet our literature professor 15 minutes ago because of a project." My cousin answers me and stops like he realizes something. "Shit, Cal, I'm sorry, I can drop you later or Jade could walk you home."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"So you don't have literature?" I question Calum once the others leave.

"Jade. I can't read." I slap my forehead silently. Fuck, I always do this. "It's fine, you just don't have an audio version for many books."

I sit on my side so I can face him better.

"Funny enough, that's one of the things I miss the most. Reading."

"Seriously?" I think about it and truth be told, I don't think I could live without reading either. "Maybe I could read you something?"

I suddenly feel pathetic. He probably thinks I'm treating him like a child and just wants to go home. He turns to me, delaying my apology.

"Maybe you could read me your favorite poem? I don't know, are you into poetry?"

"Yeah."

"Thought so. At least I still can read people." He laughs at his own joke.

I shoot him a sweet smile and grab my phone, opening Pinterest.

"Do you know Erin Hanson?"

"Nope."

"She's the greatest poet ever, and she rhymes so that's a bonus."

He nods to me as to say I can start. I clear my throat and focus on the first verse.

"If I showed you my teardrops,

Would you collect them like rain,

Store them in jars,

That are labelled with "Pain",

Would you follow their tracks,

From my eyes down my cheeks,

As they write all the stories,

I'm too scared to speak,

Would you stop them with kisses,

Bring their flow to a halt,

As you teach me that pain,

Isn't always my fault,

Would you hold my face gently,

As you dry both my eyes,

And whisper the words,

'You're too precious to cry',

If I showed you my teardrops,

Would you show me your own,

And learn though we're lonely,

We're never alone. " 

I shut my mouth and put my phone aside. I suddenly feel half vulnerable since I just said those words out loud. Poetry is something so intimate, I usually read it alone.

His face looks empty and I'm pondering whether I should get anxious over his lack of reaction or not. I decide to stay quiet.

"Do you know what is my way of seeing, Jade?"

"Huh, no."

"I feel. Touch." The way is voice goes one key lower makes my mouth go dry. "Give me your hand."

I slowly put my hand on his. No one talks as his hand starts sliding up my arm.

We instinctively scoot closer to each other.

"That poem sounds very personal."

"It is." My voice sounds weak when I feel his touch in my neck, pulling a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Do you feel alone, Jade?" He whispers my name and I know this is wrong.

He reaches for my left cheek, letting his hand rest there for a while.

"Answer me."

I try to stop the discomfortness between my legs and the dryness of my throat. His voice is making me feel things I had forbid myself to feel. This is so wrong.

"I'm not feeling alone now."

His intense glare meets my eyes directly for the shortest moment and I think my breathing stops.

Calum's fingers move lazily, like he's not in a rush, this time circling my eyes.

I feel like this is so much intimate than just someone looking at me.

I briefly wonder why I am letting him feel all my imperfections. The real reason why I am letting him touch me.

"What color are your eyes, Jade?"

"Dark green." He smiles as he hears my whisper, even though I'm pretty sure he already knew that.

He traces my nose and finally arrives to my lips.

I semi-open my mouth, his thumb hovering above my bottom lip, barely touching me.

I close my eyes as to savour his warm touch. This is so so wrong.

His warmth disappears and I open my eyes, watching him lower his hand to rest it on my knee.

"Now I can finally see you."

But, god, it feels so right.

"I-" I have to clear my throat since I can't seem to find the words. "I'll drop you home now. I just... I'm going to the bathroom."

I need a moment. I need to splash some water in my face.

And I need to ignore the loud thuds of my heart and the deeply flushed girl that looks back at me in the mirror.