tossing and turning and screaming. that's what woke loki up. the screams were louder, so loud loki herd them 3 floors away. in a startled panic loki shot up out of bed and ran down the floors to the floor were bucky resided. loki knocked on the door but the screams continued, knocking louder was loki's first thought but natasha ran out of her room half dressed to see knocky rapidly knocking.
"HE CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER HIS SCREAMS MAMA LOKI!" she yelled.
loki rolled his eyes and his own stupidity and tried to open the door only to find it locked.
"FUCKI IT" loki yelled liffted his leg and with one good kick the door flew off his hinges.
"ok i didn't mean to hit it that hard" loki mumbled to himself before running into bucky's room, seeing bucky covering is eyes with his hands and screaming.
loki ran over to bucky and grabbed his shoulders and started yelling at him trying to calm him down. it took quite a while and loki yelling to bucky before bucky started to calm down and shake. but he did not cry. by now almost everyone in the tower was outside his room being fended off by natasha.
"bucky what the fuck was that?" loki asked
"i, i dont.. i can hear him, loki. i can hear the soldier. i want to block him out i want him to shut up but i closed my eyes and. and i.."
"fuck sake bucky im your mum now spit it out so i can help!" loki yelled back
"i closed my eyes.... and i was the soldier. i hear him every day. every waking moment is like i take a breath but im still on a battlefield and im fighting to the death with a murderer who wants to take everyone down but when i look up im facing myself. and all the people i have hurt. i can't take it.. i want... im going to... kill myself" bucky sobbed
"oh shit" loki mumbled. "but bucky your not him you could never be him."
"what makes you so sure!!" bucky yelled back.
his eyes had a certain sine to them,they looked sadder, there was so much emotion in them you wouldn't be able to compare them to the winter soldiers.
"don't think like that! you are not the soldier!you are two completely different people, so stop comparing yourself to him! that battlefield is his way of defending himself because he can't beat you! so he's fucking with your head. but you know better, so be better. you and him aren't remotely similar, your eyes alone tell me that, so if you EVER gain the nerve. and i mean E V E R gain the never to say that to me again i will smack you back to the industrial revolution!"
"i-i... thank you buck whispered "thank you, thank you" he repeated hugging loki.
"anytime, my dear. i am willing to tell the truth anytime." loki said but behind his smile was a broken truth.
the words loki did not speak to buck was that he honestly didn't know if bucky would win.he didn't know if he would win the fight but loki for sure would help him fight it. he didn't know if the soldier could ever be controlled by bucky. he didn't know anything for sure. but he had hope. and i a world where everything is bleak and everything doesn't seem worth it. hope is a currency no one would dare to spend, or waste. they hold it close to there heart, because it's all they can do. so the truth may be a lie. but the truth told was hope.
"anytime"
later that day loki was reading, the book was called 'dear even hansen' and it was a sad book, to say the lease. but loki was enjoying it. as he was reading tony came into the room and sat down opposite him, just from the feel of the room loki knew he needed to talk about something, so he pot his book down.
"you lied." is all tony said. "you lied. you told bucky that he could win that him and the soldier weren't the same person. and you lied."
"i didn't lie, he isn't the same person" loki started to explain but was cut short by tony standing
"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! i want , GOD do i want you to be right. and i do hope you are. but you don't know that, you think that but you don't know it. so why say it? why lie to someone who is so... damaged. why?" tony asked sounding more emotional than anything.
loki stood up to face his lover, he looked hi in the eyes in the tense atmosphere. and said quietly. "hope. hope is a privilege people need, but rarely get. he needed it, so i provided...... i provided hope."
"it's POINTLESS! you lying down the line will cause more harm that good, and i can't guarantee you wont get hurt. bucky is in a tight spot, and i don't want him pulling you in too. you can't fight his fight, you can't fight that war. AND YOU CAN'T WIN" tony yelled.
"I KNOW" loki yelled back. "AND!?"
tony laughed slightly, "you can't win. i don't know why you do this, why you help people who are broken beyond repair." he shook his head and began to walk away. as he did a tear ran down lokis face as he looked at the floor.
"winning is that what you think its about?" loki asked. tony stopped right at the door and turned to look at loki. " im not doing this because i want to beat someone, because i hate someone or because i want to blame someone." tony looked down slightly. "not because its fun, god knows it's not because its easy. its not even because it works because it hardly ever does. i do what i do because it's right! because its decent. and above all its kind... just that..... just kind. if i run away today, a good man will die, good people may die. but if i stand and fight, they can live. so i have to fight."
loki looked tony in the eyes. "and don't say the same things people said about you. because you helped me and i helped you, we won that fight. we won when people said we couldn't, when people said you were beyond repair. " loki picked up his book walking towards tony standing and inch away almost in a challenging way.
"i didn't stop then, and i sure as hel am not going to stop now" loki finished before leaving.
[[a/n]]
[[ hey sorry it's been so long since i last posted i will try post more often but i was busy doing stuff, and getting back to school. comment and vote, i will reply to every comment, if i ever get any. and i love you guys lots, i will burn your house down. xx thanks for reading]]
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you're not him anymore {stucky}
Fanfic[3 months since bucky was found] steve and bucky begin to fall fatally attracted, but bucky can't let steve close. because the soldier has a gun to his head, and all he can do is keep a straight face, and close his eyes au were steve took bucky back...
