Letters Back Home

Chapter Sixteen

Labor Day
Sitting on the couch watching the news has become my life. No new news on TV other than things I already knew. I knew my husband and the group he has been traveling with have gone missing. I knew attacks have become more frequent on the villages. I knew that I was dying every time I thought of my husband being missing.
His letters being re-read became a tradition with Evangeline and I as it spewed hope into our lives. She would kick me frequently now and when I would mention her daddy it's almost as if she knew who I was talking about. I believe it was the tone of my voice but it really got her excited, that's when I needed Nick here the most.
He could speak to her in ways I couldn't. He could rock her to sleep like I couldn't and sleep with the constant kicking like I couldn't. There was so much I needed and wanted him here for but I couldn't have him.
There hasn't been any new news on following up with his whereabouts except for the usual, 'Every thing will be okay Mrs. Anderson.' And 'We are doing everything in our power to find him.'
Well try harder! Was always my though back but I maintained a smile and thanked them for their effort.
I stood from the couch slowly and I felt a wet spot on my pants.
That's odd. I don't remember...My. Water. My water. Just. Broke.
MY WATER JUST BROKE! I couldn't be more happier in my life. I was ready to get this whole pregnancy thing over with! I called the ambulance and they were here within ten minutes of my call. I sat in the back and wished so badly that Nick would be here to hold my hand. To whisper little sweet nothing's in my ear. To be excited and nervous and scared that way I could be the one to in courage him that he would be a great father.
When we arrived at the hospital I was wheeled up to the counter in a wheelchair and my contractions were becoming stronger and more painful. Talking wasn't much fun.
"Are you expecting anyone else Mrs. Anderson?" The nurse asked.
I breathed in and out as I slowly tried to answer her.
"No, I," I hissed out in pain as another contraction hit me hard. "My husband won't be coming." I whispered as I held back tears from the pain of realizing it and the pain of contractions.
~*~
I laid on the bed with my feet holstered in the stirrups attached to the bed. There was currently a doctor in between my legs shouting at me when to push and when to breath.
Sweat beads ran across my face as some of my hair stuck to my cheeks and forehead. My heart monitor beeped back at me with every push and it sent a wave of encouragement through me.
"Sammy?!" I heard someone yell as they burst through the room.
"Hey." I hissed through clenched teeth as I recovered from a push. "Help!" I began to yell as I pushed again for the doctor.
"I am right here girly." Summer replied as she rested her hand on my shoulder. I rested my hands on my thighs as I lifted with each push.
"Oh my GOOSSSHHHH!!" I shouted as I held a long push, turning my face red and out of breath. "I never would have done this if I knew how much it HURRRTTTTT!!" I cried as she smiled sympathetically at me.
"Yes you would've." She simply replied and chuckled. She smiled as she looked at the doctor waiting for the last signal.
"Alright Samantha. Last push, make it last." He responded.
"Oh thank GGGOOODDDDDD!!!!!" I yelled as I pushed with all my might, I felt a big release as I heard a cry come from beneath my gown.
"Oh." Summer gasped as she began to cry. She held her hand in mine and shook it before embracing me in a long hug.
"Oh my goodness. Samantha she is gorgeous." She whispered as the doctor handed Evangeline to Summer.
I looked up at her holding my baby and in that moment nothing else mattered. Not the fact that my life would be crumbling before me with the slightest bit of unhappy news not even that I was going to be a single mother.
She was mine. We would together be his in remembrance.
"Well, I want to see her." I chuckled as Summer jokingly and gently tugged her away. She then laughed and reluctantly handed her to me. I took her in my arms and held her gently. She opened her eyes slowly and I could see the slightest hint of green in them as she gazed up at me. I smiled and tears fell onto my cheeks.
I was a hot sweaty mess but for this beautiful little girl, it all was worth it. The green eyes I wanted her to have were given by Nick, the smile he wanted her to have was mine and the life I saw in my arms was ours.
I held her in my arms for a little while longer until I had to give her up. She was taken away by the nurses so I could rest for a little bit and I did. I slept the best I ever had for the past eight and a half months. The pain I felt from labor and the heartache I felt from Nick all just seemed to be on hold as I slept.
~*~
When I woke up I saw Summer and Johanne sitting closely to my bed, their eyes were puffy and red and I could tell there was bad news. Johanne held a metal box in her arms and clutched it tightly.
Afraid to ask, I just nodded my head. I understood. I understood completely...Nick wouldn't be coming back.
"They uh--They said to give you this." She smiled slightly as I cried softly. She handed me the metal box and I had to wrack my memory for what it may be. Not wanting to anticipate the wait any longer I opened it.
Inside laid a worn Polaroid picture of us. In the picture I was kissing his cheek and Nick was smiling widely as he stared into the camera. My hair was everywhere and I told him to throw away the picture. "It'll be my good luck charm." He said.
I took out the photo and set it gently to the side. I reached further inside and found his dog tags.
Nicholas Anderson
5/21/78
Military
I clutched the tags in my hand for awhile until I found a letter.
******************
If you're reading this
My Mommas sittin there
Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here
Sure wish I
Could give you one more kiss
And war was just a game we played when we were kids
I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up boots
I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed
That it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home
If you're reading this
Half way around the world
I won't be there
To see the birth of our little girl
I hope she looks like you
I hope she fights like me
Stand up for the innocent and weak
I'm laying down my gun
I'm hanging up boots
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed
That it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home
If you're reading this
There's going to come a day
When you'll move on
And find some one else
And that's OK
Just remember this
I'm in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace
And angels sing amazing grace
So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed
That it would go
And if you're reading this
I'm already home
********************
I clutched the letter to my chest as I finished the letter and tears fell freely down my face. Summer held me close to her and the warmth of her hug helped me cope through the pain of it all. Eventually, I laid the letter back in the box along with his dog tags and our picture, or his lucky charm, as he would call it. I moved the box to the nightstand and held our little girl.
Evangeline Nikki Anderson
The perfect middle name.

[Credit to the letter goes to Tim McGraw for his song lyrics 'If You're Reading This']