My Perspective

XIV

My self-reflection starts with identifying my problems
individually. It isn't hard to accept my wrongs or being
consistent, it's hard believing in myself that I can actually
do this. That I can actually accomplish this self-reflection
journey that I've been so prolonging for.

Some days the confidence isn't there how it used to be, but
then it comes back at random times; well, needing times.
I just see myself in a better position, I see me working on
myself because I can't fail. I pick myself apart, because I
feel like I've had people do it to me all of my life it's only
right that I get a head start. Not to just attack myself, but
more so to attack my traits and things about ME that
literally can effect who I'm trying to become.
My heart aches at the things I've let linger inside of me
that I didn't push to change one thousand percent. What I
thought was/is enough wasn't.

I know that some traits of mine could cause me to lose
what and who I love, and I know that some of those same
traits could cause people to hurt me.

It would be good to go back in time, but it's too late. I'm
here now, all I can do is change and reflect what I can
now so I can be able to live and to be content with myself.
I want to be happy with myself, to grow, and to prosper,
all because I took the time to self-reflect and to improve
what is toxic not only to others but to myself. I'm a mom
now, I don't have to be perfect, but I have to be better than
I am now. I owed it to myself now I owe it to the both of
us.

I also found myself writing a letter to my heart during my
tough times. Because sometimes we forget about one of
our highest form of vibrations there is, with love being the
first.

To my heart

I can never take away what makes me human, my heart,
my love, my mind, body, and soul.
I will protect you and give you more than enough care
than I've ever did before. I'll put you first and show you
that you matter most. I'll take care of any wounded part of
you. I'll treat you with the love that surrounds you.
You keep me alive; I hear you... I hear your incredible
soul within. I hear you beating, it's music to my ears, I'm
grateful.

You're sensitive but yet tolerate nothing. You're protected
and giving people a run for their money. Only one person
has access, and you give them no limits, others only killed
to have.

You're the reason they're good people left in this world,
you're bigger than the world. You, the heart, is a
phenomenon; a blessing bigger than what those around
you can only bare to understand.
You give lighting life into a lot of darkness. But they don't
understand your capabilities. You're different, you're what
matters and what gets me through the days.
Your Role plays more than a big part in life, but in my life
as a whole and for that I'm Blessed.
I commit to a better version of me, I commit to self-love, I
commit to self-improvement, I commit to self-honesty,
and I commit to becoming more self-aware enough to not
only take care of myself but my heart too.
-My truest self.

Give yourself some grace you deserve so much more. So,
take care of yourself, because you mean everything.