You're beautiful to me (Frerard)

chapter seven : melt your headaches call it home

Title- northern downpour: p!atd
Frank's p.o.v

I held Gerard in my arms and let him cry into me. I'd forgotten why I'd been upset and all my attention was on him. He'd obviously been close to his gran, and her death was having a massive effect on him. I wasn't sure what to tell him once he stopped crying, i've never been very good at comforting people, I'm far too awkward. So for now I just let him cry, rubbing his back.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." He mumbled, pulling away from me and wiping his eyes. "I should be comforting you not the other way round." He said looking at my apologetically.

"absolutely not. My problems pail in comparison to yours right now." I say, offering him a sympathetic smile.

"That doesn't make them any less valid." He says snuffeling. Another tear falls from his eye and before I can stop myself I'm wiping it away with my thumb. He looks up at me and I can feel his cheeks getting warmer under my touch. I smile slightly, finding it funny I can have this effect on him. But now's not the time.

"Tell me about her." I say quitely.

He takes a deep breath, a smile playing on his lips.

"Her name was Elena. She was the best person on the planet in my eyes. You hear about those prefect relationships between family members and that's what we had. When things got rocky with my mum, she took us in. She was there for me and my brother when we needed her most. She's been there for me at my worst and I just wish I could've been there for her when she was at hers." He says, dropping eye contact at the end of his speech.

"She sounds like an amazing woman, shes probably happy you didn't see her at her worst so you would always have that positive image of her in your mind." I offer, trying to get him to look at me again.

"Maybe."

We sit in silence for a while, neither of us sure about what to say next. Eventually I see tears stream from his eyes again and I pull him back into my arms.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay." I whisper as I stroke his hair.

We stay like that for hours and eventually fall asleep, him in my arms.

GERARDS P.O.V

I wake up and I'm suffocated. There's something around me and I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

"Get off of me!" I yell, my hands flying up to my grab my head. I hear muffled voices near me but my hands are over my ears. I cant breath. I can't breath. I find comfort in the coolness of the floor and sink to it, rocking myself.

"Get off me. Get off me. Get off me."

Even though I knew nothing was on me I could still feel the restraint over my lungs. Like I'd never be able to breath properly again. I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

I can't believe she's gone.

I know I'm sobbing by this point, I can feel the tears on my arms and I can taste the salt on my lips.

Everything came rushing back. Everything I thought I'd got over. I'd been clean for a month now and I was doing better, I really was. God I just want to be able to breathe. Why can't I breathe.

"Gerard? Gerard talk to me? Gerard"

Too loud. It's too loud. ITS TOO LOUD. EVERYTHINGS TOO LOUD.

"too loud." I whisper, barely audible. My hands weren't on my ear any more but digging into my arms.

"Okay okay I'm sorry, listen Gerard it's me. It's frank. It's just me and you. You're going to be okay. It's just frank"

My eyes snap up to meet the voice and see frank staring down at me. He look terrified. Why? Why was he so scared? Was someone else here? I snap my neck around to examine the room. I'm still crying and the tears make my eyes blurry but I can't see anyone else. Just frank. I was safe. Frank is safe.

I start to feel myself calm down. The weight lifting slightly. I was still rocking and tears were steadily flowing from my eyes. I'm such a mess. I hate myself. I hate myself, I hate myself.

"Gerard give me your hands." Frank says, eyeing my arms. I look down and see blood coming from my forearms, From where I'd been ripping at my skin, reopening old scars. I slowly brought my hand away and let out a sob. Breathing got harder again and I knew I was panting. I was broken out of my trance by hands holding my shoulders. I wince at his touch at first but he dosent let go.

"You're okay. Just focus On your breathing. Count them. I'll do it with you Okay?" He whispers, sitting opposite me On the floor. I take a breath.

"One... two.... three..."

"Four" comes out of my mouth, more of a breath than a word.

Frank smiles at me encouragingly and we continue to count until my breathing has gone back to normal.

"I'm sorry." I gasp, in-between the tears. I bury my head in my hands. I've made a massive fool of myself. He probably hates me now. Thinks I'm a freak. Like everyone else does. Then he'll leave me. I hope he doesn't leave me.

"Gerard you have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay." He says, rubbing my back slowly. "I'll get something for your arm." He stands up and i fight the urge to ask him to stay. I look down at my arm and it looks bad. I didn't even realise I was doing it. There goes me being clean. I tripped and fell right back into old habits. Of course i fucking did. Pathetic.

Frank comes back and walks over to me, bandages and cloths in his hands. He sits back down in front of me, crossing his legs like a child. He carefully reaches for my arm, looking up at me for permission. I nod slowly and he takes my arm, bringing it into his lap. I watch him as he meticulously works at my arm, cleaning and bandaging with ease. It's unsettling how easy he finds this. Once he's done he doesn't move my arm from his lap. Instead he runs his hand over my arm before getting to my hand. I feel my heart skip a beat and cheeks flush red. Frank looks up at me and sees my ruby face, giggling to himself. That was incredibly cute. He picks up my hand and slowly puts his fingers so they're aligned with mine. We stay like that for a minute, watching our hands. Fuck it. I push my fingers past his so they're interlaced. I watch his face for a reaction and see a smile Play on his lips. I can feel my own lips tug up and I'm filled with relief. I bring our laced hands towards me and place them in my lap, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb. He looks up at me and I'm trapped in his brown eyes, stunning. I go over every inch of face, trying to memorise every bit of it. He was so beautiful.

"Frank I-" I was cut off by his door swinging open.

"Frank honey time to....Gerard? Are you alright hun?" Mrs. Iero asks, looking at my outfit face and disheveled appearance.

"I... uh... i... i..."

"His gran died, and he found out yesterday. I asked him to come over so I could comfort him. I hope that's okay?" Frank says, interrupting my stuttering mess of an attempt to speak.

"Oh Gerard! Of course it's okay! Just know that it's hard seven and school starts in an hour." She smiles kindly at me and closes the door.

School