Title: The (shipped) good standard - FOB
FRANKS P.O.V
"How's your week been?" Patrick asks, sitting back in his chair.
"Interesting." I reply, fiddling with my hands.
"How so?" He ask.
Where do I start? I know I told Gee I would talk to him about my eating so I know that's what I should bring up.
"I passed out last week. Because I hadn't eaten in days." I say. Saying it made me feel insane. He would probably think I was a freak. Or not believe me. Eating disorders are only for girls.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Why didn't you eat frank?" He asks, pushing the subject.
"Because... Because I'm disgusting. My dad always told me I was too fat and that I should make myself sick so I would be skinnier." I say, keeping my voice low and soft. Im So scared of what he'll say but I need to do this for Gee.
"Well frank... I'm truly sorry you had to go through that. Do you know how much you weigh?" He asks, sitting forward in his seat and watching me carefully. He had a kind expression on his face but I dont believe it.
"58 kg" I reply instantly, I was always aware of how much I weighed.
"Do you know how much you should weigh?"
I shrug my shoulders, probably alot less.
"80kg frank. For a boy your age you should be 80kg." He says, shock waves through me and I stare at him. He's lying. I know he is.
"Frank, your dad was a mean man who obviously had his own problems to work through. Everything he said to you was an attempt to deal with his own termoil. You shouldn't listen to what he said because you are a strong individual. That much is obvious." Patrick says, his words strike a chord in me. Maybe he's right.
"Frank, what I want you to do, is I want you to go home and look at yourself in the mirror. Really look at yourself. And think about what you think about yourself. Then, think about what words you would like to think about yourself. See how different they are and then ask yourself why they aren't the same. Because I bet that getting to those new words is easier then you think." He finishes, looking me dead in the eyes.
I nod at him and he smiles at me.
"Good, thank you for coming today. Same time next week?" He asks, I nod again and walk hastely to the door.
I offer Mr.Toro a small smile as I walk quickly to biology. I walk in and sit down next to Gerard just as the bell rings to signal class starting.
"How was it?" He ask, knowing what I was doing
"Fine... Fine. We talked about eating and stuff. He gave me this thing to do later so yeah. It's a step in the right direction." I say, stumbeling over my words.
"I'm so proud of you." He says, squeezing my knee under the table. I smile up at him and get lost in his eyes. The teachers starts talking and I drag my eyes from his and watch her teach. I'm not listening though, I'm too aware of the boys hand on my thigh.
~~~~
I close the door behind me as I walk into my house. I can still taste Gerard's lips on mine and I smile at the thought of him. So perfect. I run upstairs and sit down in my room Infront of my mirror.
I study my face. I normally stay away from mirrors but I really wanted to try this thing Patrick told me to do. I wanted to get better for Gerard.
"Okay, what are we thinking Frankie?" I ask myself quietly, looking over my features. Ugly. Disgusting. Fat. So fucking fat. I try not to get too caught up in the words that were coming to my head because I know that's not what I was meant to do. I take a deep breathe, keeping back the tears threating to fall. What would I like to think?
Beautiful.
I just want to be beautiful.
"Your a beautiful person.' 'youre so fucking beautiful.'
Gerard had told me that. He thought I was beautiful. So why couldn't I.
I look at myself again and thought about it. Gerard thought I was beautiful. But that was because I was skinny. That was because I wasnt fat. But maybe I'm too skinny. Disgustingly so. I stand up and lift up my shirt. I see my ribs and my spine and they're too obvious. I don't know why it's taken so long for me to realise this. Maybe he thought I was beautiful for another reason? I pick up my phone before I can change my mind and call Gerard.
"Hello?"
"Hi Gerard, it's frank." I say, almost backing out of what I was going to ask.
"Hey Frank. You alright?" He asks.
"Yeah yeah, I was just wondering. Do.. do you think I'm.. fuck this is so dumb... Do you think I'm beautiful?" I ask, hating myself for being so needy.
"Of course I do." He replies softly. I bit my lip blushing hard.
"Why?"
"Because you're so kind and generous and funny and smart. You know exactly how to make me laugh and youre so smart with how you talk. You light up the room when you walk in and you when you concentrate you bite your lip and it's so adorable. You're beautiful to me because you understand me like no one else does and you never fail to make my heart skip a beat when you look at me. You're beautiful because even though the world is so ugly, you still shine so bright." He says. I know I'm crying by this point and I cant stop smiling at how cheesy he was.
"Look out your window." He says. I turn and see him standing on my front porch below my window
"Open up your window" He asks me. I laugh and pull open the glass. I watch him put his phone in his pocket.
"Can you hear me?" He yells and I nod at him. "Are you sure? I really want you to hear this." He says, shuffling on his feet.
"Of course I'm sure." I grin at him. He looked so sweet.
"I love you frank." He yells. "and I don't care who hears. I love you!!!!" He screams. Someone walks past and he stops them "you see that boy up there?" He asks the poor lady he stopped. She looks up at me and I wave at her shyly. She nods and looks back at Gerard. "I love him! Im in fucking love with that perfect boy up there." He grins, yelling at the top of his lungs. The lady grins at him and pat's him on the shoulder and waking away quickly. Gerard dosent seem to notice. He's so caught up in what he's saying that he dosent notice me run down the stairs and burst through my door. I run towards and Jump onto him. He laughs and falls to the floor, me straddling him.
"I love you too." I whisper, slamming my lips onto his.
If Gerard could love me then maybe I could love me too.
YOU ARE READING
You're beautiful to me (Frerard)
RomanceFrank is the new kid at school. He has moved with his mother in an attempt to escape his past, and his father. Gerard is the kid no one talks to. But he likes it that way. He likes being alone, prefers it. When Gerard finds Frank in a less the ideal...
