Hopes and Fears

two // Anne's invitations

Anne was walking home to Green Gables across the meadow when she saw Matthew rounding up the cows in the wildflower-speckled pass.

He looked peaceful and happy, as a change from his past stress about money and then the ordeal with Anne. Anne waved and approached her father figure. He stopped walking and smiled at her.

"Hello, Anne. How did your exams go?" He asked softly.

"Brilliantly, I came to tell you that I passed and I'm going to Queens Academy." Anne said.

"That's wonderful news, Anne. I knew you'd do well." Matthew smiled.

Yet Anne wasn't pleased. She felt hesitant and deeply uncertain.

"I know I should be happy but really I don't know what to do, Matthew. It's finally happening... I've wanted this for so long, I finally have it within my grasp but I'm afraid. I don't want to leave Green Gables, I don't want everything to change." Anne said slowly, her eyes sad and wistful.

Matthew gazed at Anne. She had grown up so much, become a young woman.

"I'm so proud of you Anne." He said. "I believe whatever you do in life, it will be marvellous. But you mustn't let fear hold you back, not like it did me. I have regrets, I don't want you to live like that."

"You're right Matthew, of course you're right. I am so glad I have you, my kindred spirit." Anne gave him an enormous hug.

"Go out into the world and make your mark, Anne." Matthew hugged her too. "I will miss you, dear girl."

Revived with confidence, inspired for her future and embued with love Anne set off for Green Gables. She smiled to herself. The sun was setting, the birds singing, it was a wonderful late summer day. Her future was bright and she had a supportive family behind her. Everything was right in the world.

Then Anne had a terrible feeling and looked over her shoulder.

A cow had spooked and run across the field, causing the other cattle to panic and run in all directions. Matthew shouted in shock, calling to them but suddenly one began to charge towards him and abruptly Matthew clutched at his chest and collapsed to the ground, dead.

____

Anne awoke with a scream, shaking violently and grasping at the sheets. She was covered in cold sweat, her hair stuck to her face, panting heavily. Anne's eyes searched the room, grounding herself to reality. It was just a dream... it was just a dream. Right?

Anne threw back her bed sheets and clambered out of bed. She left her room and stumbled to Matthew's room. Anne opened the door and blinked into the darkness, her heart still thundering in her chest. There was Matthew, lying peacefully in his bed snoring quietly. He was alive. He was here. It really was just a dream.

Anne exhaled deeply in relief, tip-toed across the floorboards and planted a small kiss on Matthew's forehead. She felt something cold on her cheek and wiped at her face, finding two tears there. Anne took another deep breath, feeling her heart slowly calming down. Finally, she returned to her own room and sat at the window, looking out over the dark farm and beyond that the endless fields and trees.

The worst part of her nightmare wasn't real but some of it was - she was truly afraid to leave Avonlea, to leave Green Gables, to venture out into the world and make something of herself... It was a daunting prospect and she hadn't realised how apprehensive for it she felt before this terrible dream came to her. What if she left for Queens Academy and something happened to Matthew while she was gone? Or Marilla?

The sadness grew like a lump in her throat, crowding in her heavy heart and making life seem grey and overwhelming. To let it all out Anne wrote all of her dark thoughts and fears down in her notebook, her handwriting messy and unlike her usual elegant print. She tore out the sheets and stuffed them beneath the windowsill behind the curtains. She didn't want the Cuthberts to read the notes and worry about her.