Hopes and Fears

twenty three // the great changes in our life

'There will come a time when you think everything has finished, that will be the beginning.'

"How are you getting on with packing?" Marilla asked, poking her head into Anne's room.

The redhead was sitting on her bed, sorting through some stacks of paper as the sunlight beamed in through her windows, birds singing outside. The lacy curtains were dancing softly in the breeze and everything seemed oddly bare without her books, clothes and papers scattered around. It wouldn't have seemed like Anne had ever been there, if it weren't for her presence on the bed.

Marilla fought back the emotions welling up in her chest and feigned a smile as Anne looked up. "Nearly finished?" She asked.

Anne put the stack of papers in her trunk which lay open beside her. She gave Marilla a knowing look, her eyes full of nostalgia and her lips turned up with fond memories.

"Almost. It feels awful strange to have all of one's worldly goods packed away in a case again, just like the day I came to Avonlea..."

Marilla's smile was real then, and awash with memories too. She softened. "Goodness that feels like a whole lifetime ago... well, I suppose my life didn't really begin until I met you."

This uncharacteristic vulnerability made Anne at a loss for words for a moment. But as quickly as this glimpse of emotion had come, it was gone and Marilla had her hands on her hips and that stern expression was back.

"Are you sure you have everything?" Marilla asked and and moved into the room to survey everything properly. "It'll be just like you to go all that way only to forget something important. I'll not be found driving backwards and forwards to ferry all of your forgotten belongings. One trip is quite enough."

Anne smiled, rolling her eyes. "Well then, I'll be sure not to bother you if I do forget anything! I didn't realise I'd built such a reputation as a scatter brains."

"Well, you have been known to... get in a muddle sometimes. You get caught up and things slip your mind." Marilla pointed out.

"You're right, I suppose... it's surely one of my worse faults," Anne agreed, furiously nodding. "Goodness knows I detest such forgetfulness in others. I do admire organisational skills and togetherness. I only wish I held such traits..."

Marilla looked at her sharply. "There's no use talking yourself down. You possess a great many good traits - I don't want to hear about detesting or--"

"No, not of myself of course... I'm trying my best to be my own encourager just in the case I'm too lonesome at college. I know Diana will be a real socialite and in the absence of one's bosom friend, it's good to hear from someone that you're loved."

"Well surely you know that we love you?" Marilla said. "That should be some comfort."

Anne's grey eyes dragged across the room to meet Marilla's gaze. She hesitated. "I may know it, but it isn't the same as really feeling it, is it?"