Hopes and Fears

sixteen // defiance in the face of judgement

"Defiance is the final defence; a stubborn resistance to be beaten down in the face of injustice or judgement."

Gilbert had laid awake most of the night, his thoughts keeping sleep at bay.

He couldn't shake the paranoia that somebody was out there and he wished he could have stayed with Anne, to keep her safe. But he knew he couldn't be there by her side always, besides Scarlett was locked away. Anne was safe, no matter how dark his nightmares got, or what his thoughts tormented him with.

Anne wasn't his only concern, he was worried about James too, who he hadn't seen since the incident in the woods. James was meant to be staying in Gilbert's house, so where had he been staying? There was no way to tell, no contact and no-one to ask. Gilbert knew his friend had been going through a dark time and had a lot on his mind so he pondered that perhaps James merely needed alone time. The traumatic events had surely triggered James as they had Gilbert.

Wherever James was, Gilbert just hoped he was safe.

Another thing on Gil's mind was the rumours that had spread through the town tarnishing is own and Anne's reputation and it was affecting her worse than she admitted. Anne wouldn't show it but people's opinions of her mattered, which was likely a result of her neglectful childhood. Gilbert had heard that Diana wasn't allowed to see Anne any longer which was completely unfair, on top of that Anne would face harsh judgement and even bullying upon returning to school when her leg was healed in a few weeks.

Gilbert made up his mind to get to the bottom of it all and find out who'd started it.

Gilbert dosed restlessly in and out of sleep for a few hours before sunrise and woke as the birds sung outside his window for the first light of day. Yawning, he rolled out of bed and got dressed. Bash was in the kitchen already, making breakfast. When Gilbert entered the room Bash gave him a look that said -- 'we need to talk.'

"Morning." Gilbert said innocently, as though he hadn't stayed out for days without any explanation as to where he'd been.

"Well there he is! The lost boy. Morning to you too -- If that really is you. It's hard to believe, let me tell you. Where in God's name were you?" Bash accosted him.

"I... it's a long story, Bash." Gilbert sighed, putting some bread on the toasting rack. He yawned again, rubbing his tired eyes.

"So we don't talk now? Is that it? What's going on with you, Blythe?" Bash was annoyed, in that concerned paternal way that made Gilbert feel bad. "Look, I don't care where you been, I need to know you're alright. Let me know next time you're gonna be gone for days and I won't worry."

"I'm fine." Gilbert said irritably.

Something about Bash treating him like a child reminded Gilbert of his own Father and having to take care of him despite being still just a child himself and it brought back a lot of feelings. Regret, pain and unprocessed grief... Gilbert missed him every time he thought about him and harboured subconscious longing for that paternal figure and the guidance and support that came with it although he never knew what that even entailed as he never knew his Mother and his Father was ill for a long time. Being a carer was complicated and hard.

"You don't seem fine. I know something happened with your girl, I just hope you got it fixed is all." Bash held up his hands in surrender. "Don't think I'm hounding after you. I care about you both."

"Anne's fine. I'm fine. Everything is alright, Bash." Gilbert sighed and took his toast to the table. He didn't feel like going into it all, he was too tired. "We went through some things and it was... hard. But it's all over now and she's fine."