How to Save a Life

Chapter 19

I stare into his face as he stares into my eyes, waiting for answers. I can see the pain etched onto his face. His eyes become a bit crystallized and his eyes begin to water up. His hand slightly shakes as he holds himself up right on my bed side.

"We're all worried sick about you." He says in a whisper. "...what if something happened to you...and we couldn't get you back?" His voice breaks along with my heart for what I've done. 'Maybe I'm not so alone?'

"...I'm so sorry. I..." I hesitate a bit, afraid to let loose everything I've kept to myself. He places his hand on my shoulder.

"You can tell me anything. Don't try to tell me its nothing when it's obviously something this big to where you'd willingly take your own life." The tears he's been holding back begin to fall down his face as he speaks. Heartache laced his soft words.

"I haven't been okay." I stare past him as I reflect on everything that's happened in the past weeks? Months? Years?

"You're kinda stating the obvious Cass." Tre remarks with a small smile. He's probably trying to lighten the mood. Its his personality.

"I've been going through some things I'm struggling with...but I can't put it into words well." I begin to feel overwhelmed by my emotions. And then it all spills out as it busts through the walls I've built so tall; a roaring hurricane. "I've been mentally breaking. I feel like I'm losing my mind. My family wasn't doing well and I know it's my fault because I was supposed to keep them together but all they did is fight each other and shout about how much they hate each other. If they hate each other so much then what makes me think that they still love me when I'm a piece of both of them? And when things were already hard enough living with only half my family, Brice leaves me because I'm couldn't be what he wanted me to be. I wasn't good enough. I needed him...I needed someone to accept me when I was sinking...and now I'm just here. But not here. I'm just drifting..." my words trail off as I slow to catch my breath. I've been looking at my hands. Tre reaches over to grab my hand. He slowly lifts my face up to look me in the eyes.

"Cassie..." he pauses for a second, most likely processing everything. I'm not sure if even I process everything anymore.

"I'm sorry" I quietly say. "I shouldn't have broke." I close my eyes as I try not to cry from my stupidity.

"Cassie, look at me, please?" His voice is quiet, almost a whisper. I open my eyes to meet his green orbs. "I know things haven't been easy with everything you've been dealing with. I've noticed your pain, your sadness, your heartache. I tried to make you happy and keep you upbeat, maybe take your mind off things, but I can only do so much." He takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes. I feel like he's reading me like a book. "Keeping this inside to yourself was never going to help you. I know you felt like you had nowhere to turn and try to be strong for everyone, but it's our turn to be strong for you. Cass you've been here for everyone else over the years. Let us help you." His eyes begin to water again. "Because I don't want to see you try to do something like this again." I stare into his eyes and see the tears streak down his face. His hand is still cupping my face. Instinctively, without realization, I place my hand on top of his.

"Tre..." I'm not sure what I wanted to say. My words escaped me before I could grasp them. My heart feels like its picking up its pace. My face feels heated from his hand being there. I'm  frozen as I stare into his eyes.

"Cass...when I saw you falling before my eyes, my entire world felt like it was shattering before my eyes. I thought I lost you forever. I felt like I lost everything." His words seem to be spilling out before he can realize it. "Since the day I met you, I always felt there was something about you but I never knew what. We became good friends and then best friends." His face changes to a hurt expression as he reflects on something. "When you started to form feelings for Brice, I was saddened and felt a bit jealous. When you two started dating about a year ago, I was devastated and my heart broke into pieces. But I wanted so badly to be there for you. If he was your happiness I wouldn't stand in your way." He pauses. "I just wish I could have stopped him from breaking yours." I'm numb at his words. I can feel the tears trailing down my rosy cheeks, hitting my lap.

"Tre..." I hesitate. 'What is happening?' "What are you trying to say?" 'I'm getting mixed signals. I'm feeling some kind of way that I can't put my finger on. What is this feeling? Why can't my heart stop beating so fast?' He hesitates and takes a breath.

"From the moment I met you, I couldn't help my feelings from growing over time. What I'm trying to say is..." he looks deep into my eyes. "I'm in love with you Cassie." We stade at each other for a moment as the words sink in. He breaks our state and looks away. "You don't have to return my feelings if you don't feel the same. I needed to let you know. Seeing you like this, makes me realize that we're not promised tomorrow. If something happened to you and I never told you, I'd hate myself. I wouldn't be able to live with myself" I stare at him as he rambles on. 'All this time: the closeness, the complements, the slight stuttering, the rosiness of his cheeks...he was in love with me? Me.' My heart feels light at the though. He's still rambling. Slowly, I take my hand and cup his face to look at me.