Taco Hell

There's A Special Place in Hell For You, Bro

POV: The Taco Devil

Y'know there's this idea... or belief, I should say, that all demons are evil. Well, while that's sorta true, it's not fully. I mean, yea there's demons who are fully horrid being of the underworld and others who are just there for shits and giggles, but I consider myself a true middle of the two. Also, I know what you're thinking. "But oh great Taco Devil, I've never ever seen you do anything evil! Especially within the realm of the mortal Taco Hell land." Well, reader I might be better now, but a long time ago I was a monster. A real gangsta made outta beef and cheese. I don't know what came over me at the time, but I guess after 38 or so years of trying the whole "badass demon" thing it just kinda got boring. Plus, oh was it a ton of hard work. Not. My. Thing.

So, after that era of my life I decided to take more of a chill approach towards things. But, when the circumstances come up I still enjoy a good tortue, and I'm not afraid to go back to the good ole' days.

"Sup T-Dev!" Spencer walked over to behind the counter and did his daily greeting to the me and then checking in on Bryan who was already in the back working the drive-thru and for the third time in the past fifteen or so minutes threatening to kill himself. I stayed atop the counter and waited for what I could already smell as the kid waltzed through that entrance. Spencer placed a large grocery bag on the counter space next to me and then pulled out a hefty amount of packaged raw beef. "Welp, I got your meal for the day. Hope you enjoy bro!" He started to peel open the plastic off of the beef casing and then handed me the beef. I gulped it down. Beef was one of the many luxuries I will never get tired of while living in the mortal world. Sure, I can always travel back to the underground where my home is, but I always haaattteee how stuffy it is back there. I mean, can't I devil live somewhere that isn't always purposefully on fire. I mean, come on! Satan, my dude, I get you enjoy lookin' like a five-star lobster and the only way to do that is by being constantly around fire. But, chill out (literally) with making your entire kingdom a dingy brick fireplace, and then having our [us devils] have the same freaking aesthetic as you. Not everyone likes the idea that their home looks like they accidentally left a few candles burning while they went to the custody battle to win back the kids you're ex-wife refuses to let you see after they told the court that you beat them because a week earlier you sold their vapes to pay for the high class divorce lawyer you needed to even get the money back from said ex-wife. Not that I have experience with that situation.

"Spencer, I want you to know you've been nothing but a friend to me and I want to take this to the next level-"

"Woah woah I'm gonna stop you right there dude! I get it I'm irresistible," Spencer paused to flip his shaggy brown hair and then continued, "But I'm not into the whole demon/mortal relationship, but thanks for the offer demoski."

"Oh, no no no that's not where I was going!" Mental note: learn to understand mortal language better. "What I meant, is that I want you to be the first mortal of this generation to know my origin story."

"Woah really?!"

"Yea." Spencer pumped his fist in the air and then looked eagerly at me. "That's cool, when can you tell me?"

"Whenever you want dude." I said cooly. "Okay, how about after work?"

"Sounds like a plan." As soon as I finished saying that the doors to the Taco Hell opened an in walked a group of college age kids. Spencer turned his attention towards the customers while I took the rest of the raw beef and ate it in the storage closet.

After work came around and I watched as Bryan said an exhausted goodbye to Spencer while Spencer locked up the store. He then turned towards me and nodded. I knew it was time, so I started the ritual to create the portal from the mortal world and into Hell. Specifically my home in the 3rd circle. I had Spencer gather the items while I looked through the The Book of Demon Summoning and Mexican Food: Children's Edition since it's been awhile since I took a Devil's Work & Culinary Class. I first skipped over to the chapter talking about the 3rd circle and then moved over to the page instructing how to open the portal. I then told Spencer to start drawing a circle in chalk and then write a colored-in three in the middle of the circle. He then placed the pieces of lettuce on the ends of the threes and then doused the rim of the circle and the tips of the lettuce in tequila, taking a match and lighting the portal up. The flames blazed high and mighty as they towered over both Spencer and me. They almost reached the roof before the fire started to calm down and simmer to just about a foot off the ground. The room started to smell of sulfur and then the middle of circle transformed into an iridescent orange/red color. Sparks started to fly out of the portal as I looked over to Spencer, who was hazily staring down into the portal. His pupils looked blown as the energy from the portal weaved its way into his soul.