More than bestfriend

Chapter 5

FLASHBACK

It was 2 a.m in the morning, me and New is still awake. We were talking about random stuffs while laying on my queen sized bed. Fun fact; my bed was a single sized bed when i first moved in here but i changed it after New frequently came over here to sleepover. What can i say, i love this man too much. Its been 4 years since our friendship and my feelings hasn't died down one bit. When he asked me the reason why i changed my bed, i just told him that i prefer sleeping in big space. Of course i couldn't tell him the reason why, i was shy. Since then, he's been bringing his blankets and pillow everytime he came over here, now he just left it inside my bedroom.

We were arguing over the concept of Buddhism initially but the topic strayed to the flashback of when we first met each other for the first time.

"No seriously though, i thought that you we're the type of jock who's arrogant and conceited because you were in the drum major" New was laughing out loud when he said this.

What the heck? I widened my eyes in disbelief and pushed his shoulder. I didn't know that he had a bad impression of me during our first meet.

"What do you mean arrogant? I remembered it clearly that i was the one who talked to you first. If there's anyone who's arrogant between us, it's you" my voice was slightly raised now.

His shoulder was still shaking from laughter as pushed me back. Honestly, he just looked so beautiful laughing and smiling. Eventhough the lights is dim and the room is dark, i still can see every feature of his happy face, I still can see the little wrinkles on the side of his eyes, i still can see the way his lips curved up to form a big smile whenever he laughs at me. I still can see it all very clearly.

Is it legal for a man to look this beautiful?

"I thought that you just pretended to be polite with me, that's why didn't talk much" he said after his laughter has died down.

I just hummed in fake annoyance, not bothering to reply to him. The atmosphere became silent for a moment because none of us bothers talking. It was a comfortable silence though.

New suddenly broke the silence with a deep sigh.

"Tay" he suddenly said, his voice was breaking as he said my name.

I looked at him, waiting for him to continue talking but he didn't. He just continued staring at the wall. It looks like he is lost in his own thoughts. I knew something was wrong right after he said my name. His tone was the tone of a person in despair.  I was getting worried and was about to say something but he cuts me off

"I broke up with her yesterday"

I was stunned, speechless. I didn't know how to respond. I was shocked to be exact. I knew that he was talking about his gf, Gift. My mind was swirling with questions and i dont know where to start and what to ask first. My body became stiff as i was still looking at him.

How should i react?

What should i do?

To be honest, im fucking ecstatic! I feel like screaming on top of my lungs because this man that i love is finally single. I can finally have a chance to be with him. My mind was imagining things like what would i do if i was Newwie's lover. I would make him the happiest man alive. I swear!

Shit Tay! You shouldn't be thinking about this, your friend is in need of you!

But at the same time, i also feel guilty. Why am i getting happy over his despair. I should be comforting him right now or at least say something that could console his wounded heart. He's probably very hurt right now because he's been in a relationship with that girl for about 3 years. Of course it would be hard for him to accept the truth that he's now without her.

I scooted closer to him, closing the gap between us, making skin contact with him

"Im just gonna be honest with you right now, as you know, I've never been in a relationship with anybody before so i don't know much about stuffs like this but what can i say is, i am always here if you need me. If you need a shoulder to cry on, just come to me. I will always have your back New. If you still love her, you can still try to win her back, im sure her heart would be soft if you beg her a little and in no time she would be back in your arms"

He didn't know how hard is it for me to say that. No i don't want him to go back to her. I dont want him begging for a second chance to be with her. I dont want it all but who i am to control him. If he's happy then im happy. His happiness is my happiness too. My heart feels like sinking just imagining them both being together again.

Why do i still continue on loving you even though i know that im gonna get hurt?

New was still silence until suddenly he broke down crying. It wasn't my first time seeing him cry. He always cry whenever we watch sad romantic movies, he's a crier but it was my first time seeing him cry with such grief and despair. Both of his palm were covering his eyes, trying to stop his tears from flowing down. I couldn't stand seeing him like this, it hurts my heart so much to see him weak and vulnerable like this. So i brought his face closer to my chest while rubbing on his back, trying to calm him down.

"That wasn't it Tay, i dont want her back, i feel guilty with her, I-"he was hiccuping as he said this. His voice was muffled and i can feel it vibrate through my chest.

I stayed silent, waiting for him to finish his words while my hands were still rubbing his back soothingly. This was the closest that I've ever been with him ever since our 4 years of being friends.

"I feel guilty because i was lying with my own feelings for the past few months" he said while still sobbing

"I tried ignoring her for months so that she would break up with me but she didn't" his sobbing has died down a little but you can still tell that he has been crying from the tone of his voice

"Yesterday, i couldn't do it anymore so i told her that i want a break from our relationship. She didn't want it at first but i insisted because i dont want to feel guilty anymore. So we both ended up in a good way but i still feel guilty Tay" he started sobbing again

"She was my good friend yet i treat her like this. But i couldn't lie to my feelings Tay"

New has a very soft heart and have a soft spot for every person. He would easily feel guilty and feel troubled if he did anything wrong to anyone. So it is understandable that Newwie is upset over this. He feels that he's been lying to her by pretending to love her for few months already.

Frankly, i was shocked and somehow happy. I thought that it would be the girl that broke their relationship up because New has been busy for the past few months and i rarely see them going out that much anymore. Turns out, it was actually Newwie's tactic to make the girl feel bored and finally leave him. I am happy because i thought that he was sad over the girl leaving him but it was the other way round. Shit, i should hit my self for being happy over this.

I brought him closer to my chest, hugging him tightly in my arms. I pat his head and softly said

"Its okay jah, its over now"

He didn't reply to me but his reactions afterwards made my heart bloom faster than the Cherry blossom in Japan.

The hand that was initially covering his face was now drapped around my waist and his face were neatly tucked under my chin. It fits so perfectly that i want the universe to let us stay this way forever. I usually hate it when something touches my neck but tonight i dont care because WE WERE ACTUALLY FUCKING CUDDLING. I was worried that if he could hear my heart beat because i was sure that it was leaping like a jumping horse.

"Thank you Tay" he mumbled softly while breathing softly on my neck.

That was the last thing i heard before i let his scent consume my mind and finally lulls me to sleep.

This is probably our first and last time being this close when sleeping so i wanna savour this moment sweetly before i wake up and face harsh reality again tommorow.

Sleep well jah