You're My Reason

iv.

CHAPTER FOUR

//

MY DEAD PATIENT'S FATHER

Gray clouds started to form in the sky above me, signaling the arrival of another Seattle Storm.

"How do I tell him? I know I need to tell him. But I need to lay it on gently, right? I can't just spit it out at him? I don't know. What do you think?" I asked.

Nothing.

"Well, you sure are helpful. Come on, nothing? Absolutely nothing?"

Once again, there was nothing.

"You can't even give me anything?" I frowned at the spot where he was laid, "Not even a sign from you? Or is this you saying I need to figure this out on my own? Yeah? Am I right? If so, give me nothing."

For a third time, nothing.

"Ha! I tricked you into giving me a sign! Gotcha! Are you rolling over down there? Get it? Was that too much? Sorry. I thought it was kinda funny," I looked up, pondering what I said, "Nah, I know you think it's funny. Can you even hear me though? If not, I'm upset you missed that joke. You are my person, you should be able to hear these jokes."

"God, for how much death I witness, you think I should know more about it? In fact, I should be dead! I should be down there rolling around with you. Alright, sorry I'm done," I laid down, the cold grass pressed against my cheek, "I miss you a lot, George. I wish you were here. I have to go now. I don't want to leave you, I'm sorry."

I waited for a response, but he didn't say anything. Sometimes I felt like I could hear him speak to me. It sounds weird, but I felt connected to him. With every brush with death, I felt closer to him. Especially after I saw him after the crash.

"Dr. Dixon?" I heard a voice not too far from behind me.

I sat up and turned to look and saw Hank, walking towards me.

Shit.

I sat up, brushing myself off.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I just saw you and was thinking it was you," he chuckled, awkwardly.

I nodded, "Yeah. Uhm, uh, how are you guys doing?"

He looked at the ground and shook his head, "We're doing the best we can, I guess. I don't know."

"I'm really sorry, Mr.Preston-"

"Hank. Please, Hank," he nodded, his gaze still set to the ground.

"Hank, uh, if there's anything you need from me. Please let me know. Uh, once again I'm terribly sorry," I pursed my lips.

"Her funeral was last week. As hard as it was, it was beautiful. She's buried just over there," he weakly threw an arm up pointing behind him to kiddie land.

I'm sure there were other patients of mine there too, with Sammy. It was always hard loosing a patient, but Sammy was different. I had gotten connected to her, a big mistake for a surgeon. Not only that, but I was connected to her family.

"I'm sure it was beautiful," I nodded, not really knowing what to say, the guilt eating me alive.

He motioned to George's headstone, "That's not... him? Is it?"

"Mark? Oh, no, no. This is a friend of mine, years ago," I nodded, looking at George's grave.

"Oh, how's he doing?" he asked.