You're My Reason

i.

CHAPTER ONE

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SIGNS OF LIGHT

I let out a breath as I looked up at the building in front of me. One I hadn't been to in over ten years, but I felt the urge to come back. I stood on the sidewalk with my hands shoved in my coat pockets. The sun was setting behind me. The cold winter air had made my toes feel numb. 

"First time?" A man walked up and stood next to me.

"Something like that," I nodded, turning to look at him for a brief moment.

"It can be scary," he nodded, he too was looking up at the building, "I was in your place too. Fifteen years ago. It was the best decision I've ever made. I've completely turned my life around. I'm married and I have a little girl. It's something you'd never think was possible. I can wait with you, if you'd like?"

"No, no," I shook my head, "Go ahead."

"Are you sure? Sometimes it's nice to go in with someone," he shrugged his shoulders.

"No, no. I'm okay. I just need a moment to myself," I gave me a small smile.

"Well, I hope to see you in there," he smiled back.

"Yeah," I nodded and let out an exhale, as he walked in, his shoes clicking against the pavement.

I blew out a puff of air before deciding to leave. What was I thinking? I didn't need to be there. I was fine. I was fine. At least that's what I tried to convince myself. And it had been working, at least for now.

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"Oh my god!"

I nearly fell out of the bed. I quickly reached for the bat, and stood up on the bed, almost knocking the ceiling fan.

"Hey! Hey!" The light flipped on, "It's just me! It's me!" Callie backed away, "Shit! I am so, so sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, no, no," I shook my head, as I lowered the bat, "I know you're probably thinking the same thing about me, but can I ask what you're doing here?" I stepped down from the bed, causing the springs to creak.

Callie sighed and took a seat on the edge of the bed, "I-I just can't stay at home anymore. Arizona and I-All we do is fight. Since that stupid leg," she started to tear up, "This is the only place I can think to go. My dead best friend's apartment to sleep in his bed." She laughed at herself and shook her head, "God, I'm sorry. How have you been? This isn't easy for you either. I'm sorry."

"Callie, stop apologizing. It's really fine, and I uh, I'm holding on," I glanced over at the clock, taking not of the time, "Shit. I need to get over to the hospital, uh, this was just supposed to be a short nap. So go ahead, stay as long as you like, okay? I have Ben's place too."

"Okay," she sniffled, "Thank you, Brandy. Really, thank you."

"Of course," I nodded, "Let me know if you need anything. We have to be there for each other."

"You're right. Well, I'll see you later," she smiled.

"Yeah, see you later," I nodded, then slipped out the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind me.