Reincarnation: a Hamilton AU

Wait For Kit

(Szin. Watch. Narration: Ariana)

I was lying. I wasn't in love with Theodore. I was in love with Kit. Kit Doe. And, well, I think I lost her. After all, I saw her with that Elijah Schuyler. I don't understand! Why is Alexis, everyone else, so much more successful than me? I work twice as hard as them. I've had many sleepless nights. I can't understand, why are they so much more successful than me? They have partners, good opportunities for work later, they have loving families...I don't. I have no parents. No living relatives. I miss mom. And dad. And Grandpa. I used to make pancakes with dad before Mom and Grandpa woke up. I just...

"Ariana? What are you doing out here?" A voice said. I turned around. My eyes were filled with tears, on the brink of falling. They were gonna freeze too. Kit was there. 

"I'm, fine." I said. "Go away, you've caused me nothing but heartbreak. I saw you with the Schuyler boy earlier." I commented. Kit sighed.

"I didn't want to be with him. I just...He grabbed my arm. Tried to be chivalrous. I only talked to him, and politely requested we stay friends!" Kit said. I turned away.

"Yeah, it looked convincing to me!" I said. I kicked the snow. It was cold. Kit came over.

"Baby.....I'm sorry. Don't worry, you're hot, I'm cocoa, we were meant to be..." Kit said. She wrapped her arms around me. It was so comforting, but not good enough. Not a good apology.

"I'll just...I'll talk to you on Monday." I said. I sat up, pushed Kit's arms off of my shoulders and walked away. "I'm ok....see you Monday!" I said, and ran off. The cold rushed into my lungs. How long had I been running? Why was I running? Away from my misfortune? My orphan status? Ha, how pitiful. How... stupid. Good job, Ariana. Making a fool of yourself. I wiped a tear from my eye and walked the rest of the way home. There was a blurred path in my future. I seem to remember only three things. I shot a man. I was an orphan. That man was once my best friend. I closed my eyes, and my head hurt. 

"Wait!" Someone shouted. I looked around. Nothing. 

"Mr.Burr, You are not fit for presidency. I have fought with Thomas Jefferson many times, but He's still better than you!" Someone said. I looked around again. No one. Nothing. I walked up the stairs to my bed room and collapsed on the mattress. I couldn't sleep. I checked the time. Eight pm. I closed my eyes and tried to relax every muscle. Nope. I sat up and then stood at the foot of my bed. I shook my limbs, then lay back down. No. I read a book. One of the dry ones. Nothing. I checked the time. Nine pm. I picked up another dry boring book. It had some notes in the margins. Who writes in books like that? I looked closer at them. Oh. That's who does. My mom. She writes her vowels the same way I do. I trace a letter A with my finger. I can feel tears sliding down my face. I should close the book. But I can't. I read all of her notes. They are about this book that was made centuries ago, yet, her words are priceless to me. I close it finally, and fall asleep.

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The Morning is not particularly any better. When I wake up, I feel like it's too much work to get out of bed. I feel like I was pounded all night by some invisible sledgehammer. I also still feel sad. I reach for the book with my mom's notes and open it again. Her handwriting is so much like mine, and it's painful.  I look out the window. So cold. So sad...It just seems so dreary and like the world is telling me that staying in bed is a better option than moving. And so I do stay in bed. For an hour. Reading over my mom's notes until I have half of them memorized by heart. Then I try to get up. I have work to do. But that work...seems too much. Overwhelming. Even though in reality, I only have to write a paper, it's just....it feels like 50 papers. Maybe more. But I should do it. My grade would drop. I'd be cast out onto the streets, with nothing but the clothes on my back. I wouldn't be welcome here.

"Ariana!" A voice says. Laelyn, the caretaker. Ugh! Why does she have to be in my business? I was thinking!

"ALRIGHT!" I say. I jump out of bed. I'm so mad I could kill someone. I stomp downstairs, having thrown on a t-shirt and pants. I sit down, and a bowl of cereal is placed in front of me.

"Are you okay? You normally don't act like this." Laelyn says, And suddenly, I feel incredibly guilty. Laelyn took me in when no one else was able to. She raised me like I was her own child.

"I'm sorry. I'm just..." I say, trailing off. Laelyn looks at me with concern, then walks out of the kitchen.

"I'll be running to the store. Would you like to come with me, or stay here?" She says. I shake my head. "Ok, I'll see you in an hour or so."

Why did I switch so suddenly? I was...sad. Angry. Now guilty? I stare at the cereal. I'm not hungry. I stand up. What do I do with the cereal? It'd be bad to waste it. I poured the cereal and milk into a bag, put that bag in the freezer and then put the bowl in the sink. It was better than nothing. I then walk over to the tv, before stopping and turning to the couch. I sit down. I'm just....really tired. I don't know why. I stare out the window. Dreary snow. I feel my eyes closing, and sadness washing over me. Maybe I'm getting Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's common during winter. I fell asleep, and was that fun. I opened my eyes to something different.

"Mr.Burr! You're running for president?" A man said. He had auburn/gray hair. He had a pair of glasses on and he smiled faintly. "I'm still mourning for Philip, you know." Then he drifted off, and almost deflated. 

"Mr.Hamilton!" I said. Hamilton? The man turned around.

"Mr.Burr?" He said. And bowed.

"Good day. Be together with your wife." I said.  Huh? I looked at myself as that Hamilton person walked away. Oh! Alexander Hamilton. But why am I talking to him? And he called me a mister. I guess I am a guy now. Ruffles, coat and vest. Huh! I blinked again and I was back on the couch. A small moment. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I'd best talk to the Hamilton nerds. Alexis, Jen, Hera, Lafayette. I walked over to my coat and scarf and put them on, then stepped into the blizzard. It was so cold. Why wasn't Laelyn back?it was cold, and the ground was welcoming. Come, it crooned. Come into the cold, and rest. I was very tempted. I found a mound of snow and sat on it. It was warm. Like a home. It wasn't cold. Not to me. My hand touched a chunk of ice. The pain. I lifted my hand up and it was bleeding. I wiped it on the snow, and then stood up. I was dizzy. I grabbed onto the ice chunk for support, and then stumbled back home. The cold bit my cheek as I crashed inside. I was facedown on the mat, falling asleep.