If he were to rise again - A Merthur story [COMPLETED]

I am sorry - Chapter 2

**ARTHUR'S POV**

"Merlin..." I say quietly, "what happened after I was gone? What happened to everyone?" Merlin's eyes shot up from the book he was reading, "It's just I don't know anything that happened after I... well you know." 
"Not now Arthur." He sighs abruptly
"Pardon?" I ask head jerking back.
"I said not now Arthur!" He glared at me from under his eyelids making it seem as though he were still reading.
"I am your King Merlin and you will answer me. I have a right to know." I say in my most noblest of voices, but he simply rolled his eyes and carried on reading.
"Not anymore your not..." He mumbled, seemingly unaware he was even speaking.
"Merlin!" My firm voice was prominent. "I..." but no he was right I was no longer King, someone else had taken my place, I had been out ruled. I sigh sadly and take my seat back on the dining chair. 

**The Next Day**

"Merlin?" I interrupt the non-awkward silence we share while having breakfast and he looks up from his book, mouth full of cereal "how did Gwen get on after I was gone?" I ask looking straight into my cereal bowl picking at it, he made it clear yesterday he did not want to discuss it.

"You'd be very proud of her." He stopped short not wanting to go on
"And did she ever allow magic?" I say ignoring the fact this was the first time either of us had mentioned it since the night I died.

Merlin looks at me, then at his feet and clears his throat awkwardly, "Yes she did sire, the kingdom rejoiced and war didn't follow for many years, but she hated herself for it, she knew you wouldn't be satisfied with her decision." He quickly rises and scoops up the two bowls and takes them to the kitchen to wash up.

"Did she ever get over hating herself?" I continue the unwanted conversation.

"Arthur..." he sighs, "yesterday when I said not now, I didn't mean tomorrow or the day after, I meant never!" He finishes, placing the bowls on the counter with a bang.

"Merlin," I start but he cuts me short

"No Arthur, I am sorry but it is not up for discussion. I have watched everyone I love die around me and I am not willing to relive the pain." I never truly realised how much Merlin would have gone through with I was thousands of feet under the lake of Avalon. And I left him alone for so long to deal with it on his own.

"Merlin please... they were my-"

"NO ARTHUR! I can't..." his eyes start to flood rapidly with tears

I pull him in close and hold him tightly feeling almost guilty for pushing him. After minor resistance his face melts into the crook of my neck, his tears soak the red button up shirt Merlin had leant me after so kindly giving up his bed, of course I had not thanked him despite wanting to.

Merlin lifts his tear stained face and looks me in the eye,

"We can visit her grave if you would like?" He says stepping back from the hug.

"Really?" I say smiling a 'thank-you' smile at him, he just smiles back a smile that says this really wasn't what he wanted.

**At The Cemetery**

**MERLIN'S POV**

Arthur had been quiet since I snapped yesterday morning and sank to not speaking at all when we reached Gwen's grave. I stood behind him not wanting to interrupt.

"I am so so sorry, Merlin" I hear him say, almost to himself. I look at him and see tears streaming down his tanned cheeks.

"Sorry? Arthur, you haven't done anything?" I reply, refusing to make eye contact.

"I am such a horrible person. A bad friend, a bad husband, a bad king and I don't deserve to be given a second chance." He keeps his eyes firmly on the engraving from his wife's grave,

"DON'T SAY THAT! I l-" I cut myself off and so does he without realising it.

"I left you alone for so long," he still won't look at me "I remember everything. How can you still look at me the same?" his tears are falling rapidly and I kneel behind him and rest my head gently on his shoulder.

"Because Arthur, you mean everything to me, nothing you could do would EVER make me angry or disappointed. I - I... You're the same Arthur you always have been and I know you would never do anything to hurt me on purpose." He spins to face me and looks me in the eye solemnly.

"Merlin... You, I don't know how you're so great."

**Author's notes**

Kind of a sort chapter. sorry.

Until next time...