DANGEROUS ARRANGEMENTS

FAST AND FURIOUS

Despise all his bouts with being a severe alcoholic, my husband still managed to pass his nursing board exams and find gainful employment.

And without fail, our marriage continued to suffer with sudden violent outbursts and physical attacks but with a commitment to a new job, I held fast to a modicum of hope that his drinking would miraculously lessen.

It was as though I was being tossed to and fro in the eye of a storm. I learned to place much stock in the little things.

I'd consider myself very lucky that he was now working under a professional license because at least then he wouldn't risk losing it and maybe, just maybe, the kids and I would be safe today.

It sounds pathetic and not an ideal way to live but when you're abused, every day is a day where you search for hope, no matter how hard it hides itself from you.

I became used to living this way, and my children and I operated within these limitations as though this was normal.

Because sadly for us, it was.

By this time, my mother and Peter began to visit us on a weekly basis. But my father and I remained at cross with one another, and I refused take any of his phone calls or allow him to see me or my younger two children.

My mother continued to extend her regrets and her kindness to my husband by bringing him his favorite dishes, and making small talk with him about such things like the weather and work.

I could tell it bothered her to see how we were now living and she must have told my father the same because the next time she visited, she relayed that my her and my father wanted to help us buy a house as soon as possible.

I suppose I should have been happy and even grateful considering living in a basement apartment was far from desirable but I failed to get excited about potentially more space for him to beat me up in front of my children.

I also knew that my husband was favoring the idea of moving further east out in Long Island and away from my parents and Charisma.

Because we spent a lot of time over those past couples of months staying over at Stacie's place in Suffolk County, my husband went ahead and decided to apply for a job at a hospital just a few blocks away from where Stacie and her family lived.

After he got the job, he began making an almost daily arduous commute into Commack from Elmont and it created issues with me getting to work on time or on some days getting to work at all now due to conflicting schedules that arose from a lack of help in babysitting.

At my husband's persistence over our babysitting issues and his taxing commute to his new job, I surrendered to moving to Suffolk County which was about forty-five minutes away from where we were living and from
where my parents lived.

Stacie also told us about a house that went up for sale on her block and strongly suggested that we look into purchasing it since we were in the market for a new place.

I blame myself for leaning towards wanting to buy that same house she suggested. But at the time she was also offering to help us with babysitting the kids, and that the time it was hard to say no to since on our own we couldn't make it work.

I also fancied the idea of being closer to Stacie since I looked forward to her company and we already spent a lot of time where she lived.

My parents however made it clear that they still didn't want me taking Charisma with us since she would now have no choice but to change schools and that they worried about her having to be around my husband who made it clear that he didn't mind me leaving her with my parents.