DANGEROUS ARRANGEMENTS

ARRANGED

It felt like the longest winter without Dennis.

I reconciled my heartbreak by accepting my past decisions as the reason why I wasn't going to get what I desired in my life.

Thoughts like this propelled me to accept, but not embrace, that I didn't deserve to be happy.

I went through the usual motions of my life; waking up like a zombie every day, going to school, going to work, and raising my kid while my parents monitored my every move.

I continued to go to church but lost the zeal and enthusiasm I once had believing that God didn't think I deserved to be happy either.

By now it was March 2000, and I would soon turn 22 years old but still far from being finished with college.

It was during this time my mother was approached by a woman who she worked with who was also her good friend of 20 years.

Her name was Tara.

I knew her through my mother working with her at the VA hospital but also from seeing her at our house on occasion when my parents hosted parties.

She was always very polite to both me and Charisma and would gift me a hundred-dollar bill whenever she visited, telling me to buy something nice for myself and my daughter.

I gathered she was a huge comfort to my mother as a co-worker and friend, especially during the time I hid my pregnancy and gave birth.

Tara approached my mother with a proposal of marriage for me to her nephew in India.

Curious to hear more about it, my mother inquired further about her nephew and his family, and said she would discuss it with my father and get back to her.

My mom did as she said, discussing it with my father, who then discussed it with my Aunt Sarah and Uncle Thomas.

Matter of fact, my parents discussed the proposal with just about everyone in our family, except me.

By the time my parents finally brought the proposal to me, it was clear that they had already decided it was a good idea.

My mother and father didn't bring it up to me alone, instead they introduced the idea to me with my aunt and uncle present.

I was subsequently called into the family room where they were already seated and told one by one all of the reasons why this would be a great match for me.

Beginning with the fact that my mom had known Tara for 20 years, and that she was a good friend to her. They were also pleased to share that Tara's nephew was employed as a nurse in India.

Also, he had recently seen some of my pictures (furnished to his aunt Tara by my mother) and said that I was beautiful.

Lastly, he didn't care that I had a child out of wedlock.

And as they continued talking amongst each other, I looked away and out the window at the pure white frost covering the trees in our backyard, thinking about how much I still missed Dennis.

My thoughts continued to wander, as they went on to itemize the many reasons why I was so lucky to have such a great proposal.

My mother then tapped me on the shoulder abruptly adding,

"You're still not finished with school, and you're getting older."

"We've seen his pictures, and he's a very good-looking boy."