DANGEROUS ARRANGEMENTS

ON A SILVER PLATTER

Feeling completely down and out from being left behind and unable to see my child, I spent the greater part of my days and nights in total despair.

In the midst of all this, I was also afflicted over the fact that my birth control pills were now running low. 

The fear of getting pregnant again and by someone like my husband began to eat away at me.

With just a few pills left, I urgently relayed my concern over getting pregnant to my husband. I went on to explain that I needed to see a doctor to get a new prescription.

However, he adamantly disagreed with me, stating that he didn't want me taking birth control anymore.

Desperate to not get pregnant by him, I tried to convince him that having a baby at present just wasn't a good idea. But, he sorely dismissed me again saying that he wanted to start a family right away. 

He continued by stating that his younger brother had a head start in having a child before him and that him being the elder brother, he should've had a child first.

I couldn't stomach that he wouldn't allow for me to continue taking birth control. I felt sub-human in that I didn't have a say in any matter pertaining to my own life.

Praying to God that I wouldn't get pregnant over the remainder of my stay with him, I promised myself that upon returning to the US, I would somehow get my kid and head to a women's shelter to seek help and refuge.

By now, I had already decided that there was no way I was going to remain married to him. 

Morning, noon and night, I meditated on that vision of the future. It was the only thing that gave me any solace during my stay there.

Six slow and painful weeks were about to come to pass. 

One evening after an early dinner, I was called into the bedroom by my husband. After I entered the room, he slowly closed the door behind me and asked to sit down. 

I nervously declined, insisting that I was okay standing, and then asked him why he called me in there.

He took a deep sigh and said,

"You're not going back home in a few days."

"What do you mean??" I asserted

He went on,

"Your parents want you to stay here with me until I get my Visa from the US Embassy approved. After that, we can fly to the US, together."

Hearing this felt like someone just punched me in the gut.

In my heart of hearts, I knew he was telling the truth. At this point, I didn't put it past my parents to keep me placated there. But the agony I felt from constantly having my confidence betrayed by them, was now more than I could bear.

How could they do this to me? I silently pondered as tears rushed to my eyes, and subsequently down my face.

My husband could easily observe that I was struggling with disbelief, and went on to say,

"If you don't believe me, just ask your parents for yourself. This was their decision, not mine"

He then began reaching for the phone on the nightstand beside the bed and pushed it towards me, digging into his back pocket for an international calling card so I could call them for myself.

But, I didn't bother with calling them to confirm what I already knew deep down to be true.

Instead, I stood beyond still in the middle of that room with my arms crossed, completely lost in deep and dark thoughts. Similar to a near death experience, my life began to flash before my eyes.

I reflected upon much as I stoically remained standing.

I devastatingly thought about my little girl back home in New York, who by now must be thinking, that I have abandoned her.

I painfully revisited the day my father approached me after five years of silence to get me to agree to this marriage, and how he was now, more silent than ever to me.

My intense contemplations, however, didn't last very long. 

They were instead disrupted by my husband concluding out loud, that my own parents didn't want me.

Going forward, I believe this is what gave him license to do with me what he willed. I was now a prisoner of his possession,

handed to him on a silver platter by my own family.