DANGEROUS ARRANGEMENTS

MEETING IN MUMBAI

With each passing day, I became increasingly aware that I sealed my fate by haphazardly agreeing to marry someone I didn't know, or love.

And as my doubts continued to get the best of me, I was overcome with fear of the unknown and regrets of a lost love.

I knew all too well that I was about to make a huge mistake.

In one last desperate and fleeting attempt to get out of the commitment I made to my father less than a week ago, I drove over to Dennis's place one night after leaving work to seek his forgiveness for disappearing on him months ago,

and to tell him that I still loved him.

But once I arrived in front of his building, I couldn't recover the courage to get out of my car and face him after the many months of stillness between us. And with the car engine still running, I sat there with the heaviest of hearts now placing my weary head upon the steering wheel, weeping to no end.

I left there that night after I painfully buried everything that was to be left unsaid and undone between us.

I soon discovered that my parents wasted little time in booking tickets to India for myself and a handful of relatives, but not including either of my brothers, or my precious daughter.

They explained that they thought it best to not bring Charisma to India for fear that she would be rejected and ridiculed because of the way she was born. I perceived that their efforts were in trying to protect her, so I didn't protest their decision, albeit, I hated having to leave her behind.

And within the same week we celebrated Charisma's fifth birthday, my parents and I, a few aunts, uncles and Tara and Stacie departed for Mumbai, India to meet my future husband.

Up until that point, I had only seen pictures of him and a short video clip of when he attended his younger brother's wedding which took place three months earlier.

I didn't know much about him other than he was four years older than me, 5'11", had an older sister and younger brother, was in the Indian military for five years before he went to nursing school, and that he was currently employed in the city of Mumbai as a nurse.

Everything was now taking place at a lightning speed.

Only a little over two weeks had passed since I agreed with my Father to go through with this arranged marriage, and now, we were on a plane headed to India.

There were so many complex emotions I went through during that time in my life. The only thing I do recall with certainty is that I had finally given up on believing I deserved anything better in my life beyond this arrangement.

The flight to Mumbai from New York was long and incredibly lonely.

I took enough Dramamine for motion sickness and Benadryl to fall asleep, to ensure that I wouldn't be awake to consciously deal with any disheartening thoughts.

At some point during the flight, my Father traded seats with my Mother to sit next to me and I drew much hope from this gesture, despite the fact that we still didn't speak a whole lot. I gathered that he was doing his best in trying to reconnect with me after five long years of deafening silence.

15 hours later, we finally landed in Mumbai.

We were received by my parent's friends who had politely prearranged hotels for all of us stay at. I remember being incredibly nervous, but not the kind of nerves you feel when you have feelings for someone like butterflies.