Trapped in Hell (Jeanxoc)

54

I didn't know how far this would go from the beginning. Honestly it went way further than I thought, about a year and five months. That's a really long time in my opinion, but it felt so short. I remember my first day at Titan High, and I remember him so vividly. I could almost swear that it happened so recently. When he told me he loved me, I was dumbstruck and all that could come out from me was insensitive words. I was always too cautious at that time, I was so afraid to get hurt by a player like him. But somehow I fell in love with him, so much that it hurt not to be around him. He treated me like a princess, he always made sure to make me happy. Yeah sometimes we fought, but it was never that bad. He was always the first one to apologize, even if it was my fault. He wanted our relationship to last as long as it could. I really never thought someone like him could love someone like me so much with all their heart. I really dont know if I regret my final desicion, so many scenarios have passed through my head but i never thought me breaking his heart would ever happen, but it did happen. I broke his heart. I shattered his heart into so many little pieces and when he cried I swear my heart died a little bit inside. At that moment I wanted to take back what I said, just tell him that I was messing with him, but I knew I couldn't do that I had to stay stong. It's what was best, if we had continued this it would have resulted in more heartache .The thought of me ending our relationship only passed through my mind a month before our high school grauation, I never thought about it beforehand. But a thought struck me sometime that month before graduation, everything's perfect I was excepted into UC Berkley Jean got accepted into University of Colorado down in Greeley... but what about our relationship? How could we keep it going at such a far distant? I never brought this up to him though, I just kept the thought to myself which resulted in my irritability and frustration. Every little thing Jean did wrong I snapped at him and 1 out of 3 times it resulted in an argument. When he would ask me if there was anything wrong with me I would just be mean to him. Once he went even so far to ask if I was pregnant, and if I was he wouldnt be mad and would gladly take a child into his arms. Honestly, I was touched that he wouldnt run away from something like that, but I wasn't pregnant just very very frustrated about our relationship. We got into a particullarly nasty argument one time, he was questioning my trust in him and if he should even trust me. That argument resulted in yelling and I threw a porcelain piggy bank at him, which luckily it didnt hit him I don't know what I would if I physically scarred him, in turn he called me a crazy bitch which got things even more loud. My mom had finally interviened and threatned to call the cops on him if he didn't leave. That fight was just terrible, but definitely not as bad as the small argument that led me to breaking up with him. That small argument turned us both to tears, me first then Jean did when I finally broke up with him. I had asked him what we were going to do about our relationship, I was going to stay in California and get a job there an he stay in Colorado. He insisted a long distance relationship but that would just never work, it was after that I broke our relationship.

I had no smile at the graduation ceremony, nor did Jean. We made no eye contact we didnt speak to eachother we feigned complete ignorance of eachother. Mikasa, Armin, and Reiner were near me during the ceremony because our last names were close together in the alphabet. Everyone was being fairly gentle towards me so as I dont cry but that only made me feel worse in all honesty. As I began leaving from the ceremony Levi walked up to me and grabbed my hand gently. I looked at him and he gave me a tiny smile and squeezed my hand gently. He then let go, that gesture meant more than what he said.

"Keep in touch with me" Levi said.

I smiled a bit and nodded "Will do" I murmured and went off to the car where my mom and sister were waiting.

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This was it, I gave my mom and sister a hug biding them goodbye. I entered the uhaul truck and started the truck, as I began driving my eyes flitted somberly to Jean's house across the street. Biting back tears I started driving, after a few minutes I stopped in front of Armin's house. He walked down the driveway and entered the truck. The only good thing so far about going to Berkley is that Armin was going as well, at least I wouldnt be alone.

"Are you ready for this?" Armin asked softly.

I nodded in response and began the long 18 hour drive leaving the people I loved, the new friends I made, and most importantly Jean. I was done thinking of him, it's over now I wont bring myself to continue this heartache.

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A once beautiful white daisy lay on the empty desk that belonged to Jessica, it's petals grays the stem brown, it was dry and withered away. It's beauty gone, but it's significance still there. Jean stared at the arid flower, recognition hitting him hard. This flower it was the very one he gave her in apology when they first met, she kept it all this time. A shaking hand reached out to the flower, long fingers brushed over the stem gently, he lifted it and it pulverized in his gentle touch. Jean stared at the remains, just like this flower his heart became inert. He knew that if his love for her continued on, he would truly be trapped in hell.

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That's it... I ended this story.....crappy ending ... I'm sorry ..I just had to end it I had no more ideas. Once again sorry  ._.