Living on borrowed light...

Jen-isis.

And there she was, her red hair, brown eyes, and loud presence back in the middle of my kitchen again, just as she promised. In her hands she carried along with her a make up kit, and boy did I dread it. I never did like the way make up felt on my skin, it felt so uncomfortable. However, on the bright side,  I did manage to at least finish up the remaining things I needed to get done during the time she was gone, a few less things to worry about. She set her barrage of equipment on my table that was across from my kitchen, and was now heading for the front door. " Jen, you're kidding me... How much more stuff do you need?! I don't want to look like Crayola had a party on my face."   She just smiled and kept walking, sighing I turn around and examine all this girly stuff that's now invading my table space. I picked up what appeared to be some metal object that closed tight when I squeeze the ends of it. " What the hell is his thing... Looks straight up barbaric.." That's when she walked in, clothes in her hands and all. " Oh that thing? It's to curl your eyelashes." I was horrified. " People willingly put these things near their eyeballs?! Jen... I swear, if I go blind because of you..." She just rolled her eyes and placed the contents of her arms onto a chair. " Oh please, you know you can trust me! I'd never do anything I thought wasn't ultimately for your best interest"  I raised both my eyebrows, staring right at her. " Don't even say it." She said laughing. Sighing in defeat, I plopped down on the chair adjacent to the one now doubling as a closet.  Still eyeballing all of which was laying in-front of me. " Seriously Jen, we can't possibly use all this stuff... Right?" She  fiddled with her items, looking them over with a mischievous smile. " Well... I could say yes just to pester you, but of course not. You  just need a little variety, some spice, and one thing that may work for another, may not work for you." I shake my head in thought.. " Sounds real... Confusing." Jen tsk'd at me. " Just trust me silly, besides you're naturally pretty anyways, this is just going to be a boost. You'll go from a pretty flowerbud to a fully blossomed flower. A rose dare I say."  And with that statement, I could see the gears turning in the artsy mind of my dear friend Jen. " The trust exercise begins, close your eyes." Nervous, I followed her instructions. Several uncomfortable pokes from Jen and her instruments, and what felt like an eternity later, she handed me her mirror. " Tell me what you think." She smiled in excitement, looking at me proudly, waiting for the verdict. With my eyes totally feeling violated now, and watering, I looked into the mirror. I was shocked, studying my new look closer. I realized I looked... Beautiful. " Holy shit Jen." I breathed. Smiling, with a new found confidence, I moved my face around. My eyes now  soft with eye shadow and precisely  lined with eyeliner, it left me with a look that I could only dream of creating myself.  Jen beamed, " See! and I'm not even finished with you yet." Having won my full trust, I waited for what was next. Jen still smiling, pulled out two lipsticks. " Pick one, I recommend the lighter one though."  Peering down to the two shade options she gave me, I took her advice and went for the soft reddish pink versus the purple. After applying it, she blotted my lips with a piece of paper towel, and I was done! I stood up, stretching, it felt like i had been sitting forever. " Now guess what? It's wardrobe time!" She clapped her hands in excitement. I had to admit, it was infections. I was now excited too, wanting to see what she had in store for me in regards to clothes.  

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 ~The smell of delicious food  filled the air. In a simple cozy restaurant, full of 70's music, mixed with the noise of conversation, we stood, waiting on a server to seat us. Standing there in a black dress, Jen in a red one, I was feeling vulnerable. I wasn't used to wearing a dress anymore, I hadn't worn one since I was a child, and now at the age of 25, here I was, back in that uncomfortable dress that I never thought I'd find myself back in. As uncomfortable as I was though, I was thankful Jen at least let me compromise on the shoe attire. I never wanted to experience wearing heels ever again, so she let me pass with black flats. Finally we had been seated in a booth, that's when I took the opportunity to look around. Moving my long hair away from my brown eyes, and my fingers running along my bottom lip. I was scanning the room, taking it all in.  It was something I always did. I was looking for exits, eyeing up who was currently in the vicinity, and where the bathrooms might be. I was feeling the butterflies in my stomach when my focus was broken. " I told you, try not to touch your face! You'll mess up my art work." Jen was smiling at me, and in return I stuck my tongue out at her playfully. Jen could tell I was nervous, she knew me all too well,  she leaned in closer. " Hey..Listen, just have a good time okay? We will get some good food, a few beers into ya, and when you start feelin'  the warm and fuzzies, we will head over to the bar and meet up with everyone when you're ready, alright? No rush, I want you to have a wonderful night. So before you worry yourself into oblivion, take a look at the menu, their burgers are to die for I'm tellin' ya!"  Smiling, she handed me a menu, and when she herself  began looking it over, I swear I could almost see the drool oozing from the corners of her mouth. I shook my head and smiled to myself. As I studied her face, I noticed she  seemed happy, much happier than she was back home. Jen just like me, had her fair share of rough moments too, we were so much alike yet so different. She was outgoing and confident,  I was shy and reserved, she wore make up and all the trendiest clothes, I wore my jeans and T-shirts, but that's why we became such good friends. We are different. yet the same when it came down to the fundamentals.  Both our parents were less than perfect, we both struggled with finding a strong foundation to walk on, we both had been forced into homelessness at the age of 17, but all we wanted more than anything, was to succeed at our dreams.... Dreams.... That's when I saw a flash of those blue eyes in my mind from last nights dream. I felt my heart race and my stomach get nauseous. Jen must of noticed because she was now trying to snap me out of it. " Hey, what's wrong you look like you just saw a ghost or something." She looked around quick to see if something had caused the colour change in my face, so when she didn't see anything, she then placed her hand on my arm. Her eyes now staring straight at mine. Blinking a few times, and catching my breath, I responded. " Ah, it's nothing, just some bad dreams.." I fake a smile, and brush my hair behind my ears again. I know dreams are just dreams, but this one... I felt it, and it got to me. Jen just nodded her head slowly, " Alright, soooo... Are you going to tell me? I know you have nightmares but that scream this morning... I haven't heard before, it was... Different." Her usual jokester like demeanor was now replaced with a serious one, which is not something you see often. So when it surfaces, it has a habit of burrowing into your gut and forcing things right out of you. I was wondering how I could get myself out of explaining this one. " Jen, I really don't want to start off the night on a bad note, do you mind if we talk about it later?" I was scanning her face, hoping she would give me a break. Finally, after a look of suspicion, she let it go. Her familiar dorky smile back on her face. " Alright, just this once, but you better believe I'll get it out of you eventually."  and that she would. Jen had the memory of an elephant, she never let things go, it just wasn't in her genetic make up. Smiling, I see the waiter walking towards us with a tray and glasses of water. "What can I get you fine ladies?"  the waiter looked younger than us, he rested the tray under his arm after setting down the glasses in-front of us, and now held a pen and paper in his hands. But before I could talk, Jen took the words right from my mouth and ordered for me. " Two pints, and two cowboy combos please."  After quickly jotting it down he responded. " Good choice, I'll be right on it." And with that our waiter walked away. I was now thinking to myself, typical Jen, she knew exactly what I wanted, I shook my head. " You know that never gets old, what if I wanted a salad or something?" She just scoffed. " You, a salad? Please, never in your life! What, just because I managed to get you in a dress you're gunna pretend to be all dainty now?" She playfully threw her napkin at me, and I threw it right back. I took this as my chance to ask all the questions looming around in my mind about her life here. I wanted to know more about her friends that I was to meet in the matter of hours. I've heard a bit about them in the past, but it wasn't enough to memorize their names. I also wanted to know if she was going back to school, who the guy was that made such a good impression, that it showed on her face earlier this morning, when she so graciously broke into my house. But most of all, I wanted to know how she was doing, mentally. " So, Jen, hows the art school thing going? Did you get accepted? "  Jen instantly avoided eye contact, oh boy.. " Well Uh, I forgot to mention." She laughed nervously. "I decided to go with horde-culture. They said my art wasn't all that great anyway, which is fine, I dig plants more than staring at naked people all day anyway. But speaking of art, why aren't YOU trying to get into the institute, you've got more skill than I ever have"  She was now fiddling with her fork, waiting  for my reaction.  I looked over her now nervous demeanor and smiled. " Well, I can't say I don't see you happy as a clam in a middle of a green house." I chuckled. " It does make you happy right? As far as my art though... I don't even let you see my artwork, you've seen probably all of three paintings and one drawing, you know that wouldn't work out well." Jen looked back up at me with her smiling brown eyes, her posture now instantly improved from the slouch she previously just had. " Oh it does! It's not art school, but its the next best thing, and I know you're really private about your work, although I do wish you'd share more with me." Her previous nervous demeanor had me now pondering on our past. The sad thing about Jen, she was so used to being chastised growing up if anything even remotely went wrong, that its now become expected of other people at be just as harsh with her now that she's older. Harsh doesn't even really cut it though... One time after school, when I walked her home, she had dropped her book in a puddle, the look  of panic on her face said it all, she was scared, but not a typical kid about to get in trouble scared, it was different. Before we opened her front door, she was trying helplessly to dry off her  book with her sweater and hide it in her backpack. Her father was a drunk, and her mother was hardly ever around. But even though her father was a drunk, he wasn't easily fooled. When I think about it, the only times I ever really seen Jen genuinely scared, was always when her father was around... He sent me home immediately that day, screaming at Jen, and as the door slammed shut behind me, I could hear her crying. The next day at school she told me what had happened, and that her dad often drank and took his anger out on her. That was the day I found out just how rough her life was, when we were in the change room for gym,  I saw the bruises all over her chest and back... Of course he hit her in the places he thought no one would see.. Just remembering caused a bubble of seething rage to grow in the pit of my stomach. Jen is my best friend, and one of the most trust worthy, and genuinely caring people I've ever known. A person like her didn't deserve the upbringing she got. Her voice suddenly broke me from the memory flowing around in my head. " You know you really need to do something about that,  your mind is always elsewhere, miss space cadet, Its ruuuuuude."  Ah yes, the poking fun, what would our friendship be without it. Laughing, I return to Earth and my original list of questions. " Sorry sorry, but hey, I wanted to ask you about your friends. I want know more about them before I meet them tonight because I think it might help me to have more of a basis of conversation to go to, so I'm not  just sitting there like some... Nerd, or something. AND, knowing you, due to the type of friends you had back home, I've gotta ask, is there anything I should watch out for?" My eyes now giving a playful glare. She knew exactly what I was referring to. Jen rolled her eyes before responding. " Well first of all, you are a nerd, so accept it, and he wasn't a friend, but give me a break! He did seem like a nice guy! and you never show any interest in men, you don't even try quite frankly, meanwhile all these dudes are out here ogling you, and you don't even notice! like shit, I was trying help a girl out!" Raising my eyebrows I respond in a playfully sharp tone. " Right help me out, with a nice guy... Who by the way,  just because they look good to you, does NOT mean they are a nice guy, that you knew for the span of a day, who's opening line was an insult, and ended the night with an ass grab. Not only that, he went around  shamelessly stealing peoples beer!"  I full out belly laughed now, unable to hold it in anymore,  both of us were now in a fit of uncontrollable snorts and giggles.   "Well, you gotta kiss a few frogs before you find prince charming, and c'mon, that makes for a great story right?" regaining my composure finally I spoke " Yeah , right, prince charming... Knowing my luck I'm bound to wind up with a serial killer if I keep letting you set me up with the dudes you hang around with."   Once again she rolled her eyes at me with a smile " God you're so dramatic."