Living on borrowed light...

Lucifer's Perspective.

~I had woken up some time during the middle of the night, the memory of the sex we had lingering in my mind. I looked over at her, she was still sound asleep looking as peaceful as one could be. I thought to myself how I could end it all right now, she wouldn't even know what happened. Watching her back rise and fall with each breath she took, I couldn't help but think, how could she let someone she barely knew take so many of her firsts within a mere span of days? How could someone be so naive and straight up negligent to bring someone she barely knew into her home like this. Her dark fantasies, her deep aches and desires, she had no idea what she was toying with, she really didn't. Feeling the familiar hunger and seething cold rage building within me I got up, still looking down at her. My eyes moving on their own were taking in every inch of her. I followed how the dark strands of her hair cascaded down her shoulders, how some curled up on the pillow her head rested on, and how other strands made their home in the middle of her back. Her skin was glowing within the dim light of the lamp near her bed. This was never meant to go on so long, when I saw her walk in the bar that night it was only meant to be a means to an end. Simple satiation for the entity within me, she was an easy weak target. I was really drawing this out, and even I didn't know why. Looking at her sleeping so peacefully I began to feel nothing but disgust and contempt for her. I wanted to draw the life out of her right then and there. But instead I found myself gritting my teeth, sliding my clothes back on and heading outside for a cigarette. I shut the bedroom door behind me quietly and was now outside, I sat on the porch and lit my cigarette, looking at the bright moon that was hanging in the dark sky. I kept replaying the last  few days in my head over and over. She was so meek, naive, and damaged. She was her own brand of fucked up, and she really thought she could hide it. I let out a sharp breath, blowing the smoke out from my lungs. But even as damaged as she was, she was too trusting of people. Too trusting of her reckless friend in particular, and one of these days, it was going to be her down fall, I had planned on it. How funny it is, that all it takes is a few nice words to make her feel special, a few loving gestures, a gift, and she was now wrapped around my finger. I could tell right when she walked in the bar that night, that she was inexperienced. The nervousness in her walk, the way she interacted with the people around her, how she wouldn't look me in the eyes very long, and when she did, how she froze. I scoffed out loud and shook my head. How could her friend have left her like that,  with me in my car that night at the bar when she was too intoxicated to walk. How could she call her, her best friend and be so careless, how could she be such a bad influence on someone so pure. I had panned to do my usual routine once I had her alone, but once I saw her sleeping in my car before she woke up, the way she was just laying there, that feeling of wanting to take her life vanished. Feeling as though it had to be a mere fluke, I took her inside. Once we laid down and she was asleep, surprisingly enough to me, the feeling was still missing. It began to bother me honestly, so I didn't sleep that night, I decided to keep myself busy by taking in and observing all the contents of her room. As the next day arrived the more we interacted, the more I knew about her, the stronger of a pull I had to her. A pull I couldn't figure was anything other than  wanting to take her life as I did so many before her. But I felt as though I had to really time this one, like it was special. I had to wait for the right moment which just hasn't seem to come. I've never had this sort of control before, but I have to say, even though I do posses this sudden immense control, the urge to end her is still vividly apparent in my mind. Searching the corners of my mind while looking off into the night sky I dug deeper.  Having got to know her these last few days, knowing what her life had been like, how lively she is, and seeing how clearly soft hearted she is. I realized I was beginning to feel sorry for her. Me, of all people, the coldest son of a bitch you could ever meet, feeling sorry for someone. But as sorry for her as I felt, she disgusted me just the same. She didn't take the proper measures to protect herself, her friend didn't either. The way she would look at me, talk to me, how clumsy she was, how we met, everything that had lead us to this moment disgusted me, and she was too innocent. So innocent that her actions were self deprecating, she was in my death grasp yet neither of them saw it. There was a sadness in her eyes, It was so obvious that she wanted so badly to be loved, that she would do anything once she found that right person, and I have now become that person. Which has now become her biggest mistake, and its going to cost her, her life. My racing mind paused, finishing my cigarette I looked around, the night was still when I remembered last night once again. I looked into her eyes wanting to see the soul fade as I had my hands around her throat, but as I was taking the life from her, there was an odd occurrence. That feeling that I had never experienced before. Something came over me, something warm in my chest. Like I could feel her, and I could feel a sudden sense of fear. It was as though I wasn't ready to do it, that it just wasn't time, I fought with myself to just do it, but I didn't, I just didn't. It was not only infuriating because I wanted to, but also because I didn't understand why... She looked at me with a fearlessness in her eyes. Never once had I had a woman look at me that way when my hands were around their throat, throwing them into the pit of death. She wasn't afraid, she wasn't angry, she just wanted me. She was looking at me like she wanted to belong to me, like she would have just let me, done anything for me. It stunned me, and I hate her for it. This woman's pathetic existence needs to end. I smiled, not much longer now, and it'll be over. ~